Uncle Sal and the Contraband Cannoli (Episode 132)

Uncle Sal entered Joe's place for the weekly pinochle game. He hadn't even tipped his first bottle of Spud's to his mouth when Joe said, "Hey Sal, you see the cops nabbed another member of the Linguine organization?"

He adjusted his squash racquet cuff links and sipped his Spud's. "Izzat right?"

Joe popped a pistachio into his mouth and said, "Course it's right! Ya think I'm pullin' your leg over here?"

"Which one did they get?"

"Alessandro Lariati."

"Really? the boys in blue bagged Alessandro 'The Rope?' How'd they do that?"

"Well, ya know Alessandro was the front man for that bakery over on Saccamano Street? Cops got a tip that hot drugs were being moved out of the place. So you know the cops. They set up a stakeout. Had officers watching that place around the clock. They wanted to get a warrant to search the place, but they didn't have reasonable suspicion for that, just someone's word. Well, finally, they got something hard. They had a tip that the merchandise was moving whenever someone ordered four cannoli. They got a big break when The Rope gave the merchandise to the wrong customer. He slid a little bag of coke into the cannoli purchased by a little old lady. Imagine her surprise when she arrives home and finds drugs in her dessert. She called the cops and they brought him in for a lineup. And you'll never guess how the little old lady was able to finger him. She was able to positively identify him because of, get this, a bunny tattoo he has on his forearm, up near the elbow. You believe that?"

Uncle Sal paused with the bottle at his lips. "So it's true."

"Huh? What's true?"

"You know. That old joke people would tell: 'Does The Rope bear a bunny tat?'"

This episode featured:
Johnny Spumoni as Uncle Sal
Benino Rigatoni as Joe
and
Jellybean Merengue as the pistachio.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "You can't do that on stage anymore."

Uncle Sal and the Picked-over Pastries (Episode 64)

Uncle Sal removed his cordovan cowboy hat as he walked into McBride's, the specialty bakery where Alice had just gotten a job.

"Say Alice, whatcha got cookin'?"

Alice wiped her hands on her June Cleaver apron and said, "We've got nothing cooking at the moment. We close in fifteen minutes."

Sal moved toward the display case and said, "Looks like ya ain't got much of anything left."

"Well, no. We had a pretty good day."

"Maybe I'll buy one of them three things. What are these?"

She pointed at the one on her right and said, "This is a black currant danish. Those are really good. This here is a pain au rhubarbe. It's kind of like a small piece of rhubarb pie with a really nice crust. And this one is a beet fritter."

"A beet fritter? Someone actually makes a pastry with beets in it?"

"They're made with sugar beets, not red beets. And my boss spices them up with something. I'm not exactly sure what. I know there's some brown sugar, and maybe some nutmeg. But that's her specialty, so only she gets to make those."

"And you actually sell them things?"

"They are quite popular. You wouldn't believe it. People come from all over the county for her beet fritters, because she's the only one that makes them. So what can I get you?"

Sal wrinkled his nose as he peered at the three pastries remaining in the case. "Hmmm. Well, I ain't much on currants. Rhubarb ain't exactly high on my list either. And the way you talk about this other one makes it seem pretty intriguing. I guess I'll take the fritter with the beet."

This episode featured:
Dmitri Mahbuba as Uncle Sal
Velvet Mariella as Alice
and
Jellybean Merengue as the pain au rhubarbe.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Moon Pie! What a time to be alive!"