Uncle Sal and the Hidden Habit (Episode 47)

Uncle Sal hung his periwinkle stovepipe hat on the hat rack and slid into the booth across from his sister. The bags under her eyes had grown since the last time she saw her. She stirred her tea with a Jimmy Carter spoon and barely looked up as Sal entered the booth.

"What's the matter now, Mary Evelyn? Every time I see you, you look like someone whose pet turtle just died."

"Well, it's that younger sister again. I mean, we had that problem with the...noises from her room. And then she just got sullen for a while."

"Yeah, yeah. And she wouldn't even play the weekly canasta game. What's she up to now?"

"Well, she might have worked her way right out of the convent this time. And it's too bad. She's got such a good heart."

"Maybe so, but without ever having met her, I'd say she's just too wild to be in a convent. But you didn't answer my question."

"Well, she got sullen for a while. And then, one day, she was back to normal. I don't know if one of the other sisters had a chat with her or what. But she was her usual happy self again. We found out this week why she's been so happy. She's been sneaking out at night. She won't say what she's been doing, but we can only imagine. Every night, she's been sneaking out and coming back in sometime early, and I mean early in the morning."

"I gotta say, I can't blame her. Prolly gets awfully stuffy in that convent, 'specially for a young woman. How'd she get caught?"

"We have this umbrella stand by the door, shaped like a cat. You know, it hasn't rained in a while so no one has needed to use it. Well, one night, Sister Mary Katherine came in kind of late. She couldn't sleep and she went for a walk even though it was drizzling. Well, when she put her umbrella into that umbrella stand, it didn't make the usual sound it makes when an umbrella hits the bottom. Sister Mary Katherine looked inside and she saw a habit. Well, this young sister, she's the only one small enough to fit in it, so..." Mary Evelyn's voice trailed off.

"That's pretty sharp. She was going out every night and when she came back, she'd pull her habit out of the cat."

This episode featured:
Dallas Royer as Uncle Sal
Claire Voyence as Sister Mary Evelyn
and
Jellybean Merengue as the Jimmy Carter spoon

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willets?"

[29 June 2008]

Uncle Sal and Sister Mary Evelyn's Lost Canasta Game (Episode 33)

Uncle Sal brushed a bread crumb from his vermilion bowler hat and looked across the table at his sister. "Whatsa matter, Evelyn? You barely touched your pickled pigs feet."

Mary Evelyn sighed audibly and said, "It's one of the girls at the convent. You remember the one I told you about, with the noises coming from the room?"

"Course I remember."

"Well, thankfully, those noises have stopped." She kissed her crucifix and continued. "But now, she just seems so unhappy."

"Course she's unhappy. I mean, she had to stop..."

"Sal! It's more than that. She doesn't seem interested in anything now. She doesn't want to come to any meals. She doesn't want to pray. And Sal, you should see the look in her eyes. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so sad. I just get this feeling that she wants to leave the convent and go back to life outside. I guess if that is God's plan for her...that's fine. It's just, she's really a good and decent member of our group. It would be a shame to lose her."

Uncle Sal had tuned out when she started talking about the convent, but realized he needed to say something to fill the silence. He opened his mouth and Mary Evelyn continued, "She doesn't even want to play our weekly canasta game. She's the one that said she wanted to learn. And she's great. I love having her as my partner. We've tried to find someone to take her place, but no one has jumped in yet. Sal, what do you think we should do?"

Uncle Sal took a bite of bread and chewed deliberately as he tried to think of what to say. After swallowing the bread, he said, "It sounds to me like you don't have much choice. You'll have to forsake play while the nun pines."

This episode featured:
Dewey Swenson as Uncle Sal
Olga Ho as Sister Mary Evelyn
and
Jellybean Merengue as the pickled pigs feet

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Don't call me Shirley."

[25 March 2008]

Uncle Sal and Sister Mary Evelyn (Episode 14)

Uncle Sal looked at the bill the waitress had just brought. He removed his wallet from the pants of his pea green leisure suit and put some money in the folder. Now that they had finished eating, Mary Evelyn felt free to ask him, as she always did, if he had been going to church. That was part of the reason he didn't see her more often. He hated having to tell his sister, who had been in a convent since she was eighteen, that he didn't feel compelled to go to church anymore. But he had learned that if he changed the subject, he wouldn't have to.

"How have you been, Mary Evelyn?" he asked, removing a toothpick from behind his ear.

"Oh, not so good. We're having a bit of a problem with one of the younger sisters."

"What kind of a problem?"

"Well, let's just say that sometimes we hear some inappropriate noises coming from her room at night."

"Like what?"

"Ummmm, groaning. That sort of thing."

"How do you know she's not having really bad gas? I mean, sometimes you get that feeling in your stomach, and..."

"Sal, I may live in a convent, but I'm not that naive."

"It could be a bad headache, or appendix pain."

"Sal, I'm telling you, the sounds we hear are not the result of appendix pain. We have tried speaking with her. We have tried giving her more manual work to do around the convent, so she'll be too tired to do...whatever it is she's doing. We don't want to lose her because she's really a good sister. She's so helpful and smart as a whip. What do you think we can do about this?"

"I don't really think there's anything you can do about it. You don't have any proof that she's doin' sump'n wrong. And besides, what do you expect? People have certain urges. Them urges are probably even stronger if you ain't supposed to act on them. If she's as good a sister as you say, I say leave her be. It just sounds to me like another nun fights the lust."

This episode featured:
Osvaldo Hughes as Uncle Sal
Rosie Cheeks as Sister Mary Evelyn
and
Jellybean Merengue as the toothpick

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Missed it by that much."

[6 November 2007]