Uncle Sal and the Vicious Vegetables (Episode 108)

Uncle Sal looked over the newspaper at Alice and said, "Say, you remember that actor Lowell Pate?"

"The soap opera actor?"

"And movies. He was a Hollywood big shot until..." Uncle Sal mimed drinking. "After he went into rehab, no one wanted to hire the guy."

After a look at his Baffled Beaver watch and a sip of his coffee, he continued. "I mean the guy won awards, and then he has a drinking problem and no one wants to hire the guy."

Alice removed a space shuttle pen from her purse and started to work the Sudoku. "I think there was more than just a drinking problem. Didn't he also have a thing with the network president's eighteen-year-old daughter?"

Sal shrugged.

"Anyway," Alice said. "What about him?"

"Says here inna paper that he's going to be one of the stars of a local theater production called The Vicious Vegetables of Dr. Liechtenstein. It's about a tomato, a leek, a carrot, and a butternut squash who are animated in a lab experiment and then rampage the town. Sounds like sump'n right up my alley, I'll tell ya."

Alice rolled her eyes. Not that she doubted it was right up his alley. It truly sounded like something he would enjoy. She rolled her eyes because she hoped she wouldn't get dragged to this horrendous sounding play.

"Pate, of course, is one of the stars. Guess what role he plays?"

"Hmmm. Well, I'd say the carrot is out. He's round and red, so he seems like a natural to play the tomato. But I'm gonna go out on a limb and say he's the butternut squash. It seems like that might be the least desirable part."

Uncle Sal grinned and shook his head. "You guessed all around it."

"You mean..."

"That's right. Pate plays a leek."

This episode featured:
"Play" Bill Ratzlenberg as Uncle Sal
Tess Paean as Alice
and
Jellybean Merengue as the space shuttle pen.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Not now, Arctic Puffin."

Uncle Sal and the Dubious Drama (Episode 60)

At a booth in the Liberty Bull Steakhouse, Uncle Sal opened the entertainment section of the newspaper and said, "What do you know about that?"

Giacomo lowered his menu and said, "What?"

Uncle Sal moved aside the Betsy Ross syrup bottle and showed the headline that the community theater was going to put on a production of Our Man Jeeves by PG Wodehouse.

"Who's PG Wodehouse?"

Uncle Sal snatched the paper back from Giacomo and said, "Whatsa matter with ya? Ain'tcha ever read anything? PG Wodehouse wrote all these books with a butler named Jeeves. Now, Jeeves's employer was always getting into these situations. Inevitably, he'd ask Jeeves for advice and Jeeves would come up with some crackpot scheme that only made the situation worse. They're funny stories."

He read on in the article and said, "Will you look at that? They got this guy Tab Graff to play Jeeves. That's hard to believe. Guy used to live up the street from me. I never met a bigger sourpuss than this guy. Ain't got a funny bone in his body and they got him as the lead in this play."

The waitress came to the table to take Giacomo's and Uncle Sal's orders. Uncle Sal put down the paper and said, "I'll have the liver and onions, extra onions." Then he picked up the paper again and shook his head at the article about the upcoming play. "I can't believe it. I just can't imagine this unfunny guy in a Wodehouse play. Well, in any case it should be interesting to see what happens when the director Graffs up his Jeeves."

This episode featured:
Otis Dobler as Uncle Sal
LJ Whiffenmyer as Giacomo
Cornelia Couch as the waitress
and
Jellybean Merengue as the Betsy Ross syrup bottle.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "I AM the king."

Uncle Sal and the Befuddled Baker (Episode 41)

Uncle Sal climbed out of his Dodge Dart and walked up the sidewalk to Giacomo's condo. He rang the doorbell and then saw that his left purple and silver wingtip was untied. As he secured the knot, the door opened. Giacomo looked to one side of the door, then the other. "Uncle Sal, I thought you were bringing Alice."

Uncle Sal stood up and said, "Well that's a fine how do you do. Good to see you too, Giacomo." He strode past his nephew and into the condo where his girlfriend Ilse was propped on the bullfrog pillow on the couch.

Giacomo closed the front door and said, "Well, it's just that we have four tickets to the theater. Now we're going to have one extra."

From behind the bar, Uncle Sal said, "It's no big deal. We can sell the extra ticket and we can prolly get more than we paid for it too," he said as he poured a bourbon for himself.

"But, we were going to, you know, have a double-date. Now, one of us is going to have to sit next to a stranger. And by the way, you still haven't told me where Alice is."

Uncle Sal felt the bourbon make a warm trail to his stomach and said, "Sump'n came up. Whatta ya want me to do?"

Giacomo waited for Uncle Sal to continue, but he seemed content with his bourbon. "Am I not supposed to ask what came up?"

"Jeez, Giacomo. Ya sound just like a woman. OK, I'll tell ya. Alice is takin' this bakin' class, right? This is the second time she's taken it. The first time she had to stop halfway through because again sump'n came up. Anyway, last week her bread didn't come out too good. And tomorrow it's donuts." He sipped his bourbon. "So, she decided to stay home tonight."

"Instead of going to see Mike and the Magic Mud Pie with us, she stayed home to practice making donuts?"

"Well, I can't say I blame her. She's failed her crullers in the past."

This episode featured :
Xavier Hawk as Uncle Sal
Waldo Hunt as Giacomo
Yolanda Butts as Ilse
and
Jellybean Merengue as the bullfrog pillow

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "I just want to wish you good luck. We're all counting on you."

[13 May 2008]