Uncle Sal and the Abandoned Admirer (Episode 158)

Uncle Sal walked up to the table at the hot sauce festival where MacGregor's Scotch Bonnet Surprise was being served. A drop of the orange sauce fell on his black The Afterdarks t-shirt and he wiped it off with a napkin. As he dipped a piece of naan into the sauce, he said "Giacomo, I thought you was gonna bring your girl, what's her name, Yahaira to this thing."

Giacomo put his nose over the paper sample cup with the sauce and inhaled the scent. His eyes went wide and he knew he was in for some serious heat. "I was going to, but we broke up."

"Well, that's too bad."

"Things happen. It's not as bad as what happened to my high school classmate Paul Porrola. Remember, he's the guy I told you about that was always chatting up models on Twitter because he's too timid to approach them in person. Well, somehow he actually got some chick to go out with him. And she is good-looking too. She's one of those women where you see her with a nerd like Paul and you wonder why she's going out with him."

Giacomo bit his naan and felt the delayed burn of the sauce in his mouth and throat. "So, he was going out with this woman named Isolde. One day, she checked out his Twitter page and she saw all the models he was following."

"And she got jealous and broke up with him because of it?"

"She broke up with him, but not right away. It seems she started chatting with some of these models, and she came across this Swedish model who is six-foot-two. She'd be the example of statuesque in the dictionary. Well, Isolde eventually decided to meet the Swedish model. And when they met, Isolde fell instantly in love. Called Paul from Sweden to let him know that she had broken up with him. So now I guess for him it's back to meeting women online and fantasizing about them."

"And for Isolde, it's a tall girl after Paul."

This episode featured:
Hector Habanero as Uncle Sal
Juan Pedro Serrano as Giacomo
and
Jellybean Merengue as the paper sample cup.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "With that new liver he'll be peeing like a champ in no time!"

Uncle Sal and the Timid Tweeter (Episode 101)

The first pitch of the Wombats game had just been made when Giacomo removed his phone from his pocket and looked at the display. He grimaced, pushed a few keys and slid the phone back into his pocket.

"Whatta ya doin, Giacomo? Yer makin' phone calls during the game?"

"Someone just sent me a message on Twitter."

"Twitter? The heck is that?"

"It's this social networking site. You get 140 characters to tell all of your followers what you're doing right now." He removed his phone again and showed his Twitter home page to Uncle Sal. On the display were messages like "Getting a latte at the coffee shop" and "Just lost a hand with a full house."

Uncle Sal scrunched up his face like he had smelled something foul and said, "What's the point? Seems like a giant waste of time."

"I'm beginning to think the same thing. I just heard so many people talk about it that I wanted to try it myself. This guy Paul Porrola that just messaged me is making me nuts. I think I might have to end my Twitter experiment just because of him."

Uncle Sal sipped overpriced beer from his 32-ounce Wombats cup ("It's like two beers in one cup!") and said, "What's his deal?"

"We went to high school together. I see him from time to time. But almost as soon as I created an account on Twitter, he found me. Probably because he wastes all of every day at this blasted thing. He only adds friends and models. And he's always sending me messages asking me to guess who he was just Twittering with. Inevitably, he tells me the name of some model I never heard of. But he thinks it's the greatest thing in the world that these beautiful women somehow recognize his existence. The only thing is, he would never have the guts to talk to these women if he saw them in person. The last time I hung out with him, he just kept saying, 'Look at that chick! She is so hot!' And I would tell him to go talk to any or all of the women he pointed out. He never did though. But now he thinks he's a big deal because some model thanks him for telling her how beautiful she is."

"Well, it does take a lot less courage to send a brief message than to actually speak to someone. Just goes to show you: Paul, that Twitters, is not bold."

This episode featured:

Lon Dartz as Giacomo

Homer Unberg as Uncle Sal

and

Jellybean Merengue as the 32-ounce Wombats cup.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?"