Uncle Sal and the Maltreated Mascot (Episode 185)

Giacomo entered Uncle Sal's house and said, "Hey, where do you want to go to lunch? I was thinking about Han's Soul Oh! I could go for some of those spice collard greens with bacon."

"Yeah, it sounds good, but I can't."

"What do you mean, you can't? Like something came up?"

Uncle Sal sipped his Irish rickey and said, "No. Nothin' came up. It's just, I can't."

"But I don't understand. I don't know anybody that likes soul food as much as you."

"Well, it's like this. I had a little bit of an incident there last week."

"An incident? What do you mean?"

"I went there with Alice last week. Ya know, Cindy DuValliere used to be in the otter costume outside the restaurant." Uncle Sal shook some hot sauce into the bottom of a glass, then poured top of it. He used his American College of Surgeons pocketknife to cut the foil off a bottle of rye, added it to the drink and handed it to Giacomo.

"She ain't the otter anymore. It's some guy. Anyway, Alice and I are heading into the place and he says, 'Hey baby! How 'bout you and I get together later?' Fer all he knows, she's my wife and he's just gonna approach her like that. Then he keeps goin' on. Wonderin' why such a good-lookin' woman is with me and not with a real man. As if a real man would ever be in a giant rodent costume. The guy just wouldn't shut up, ya know. Which is what he woulda done if he knew what was good for him. Finally, he said one thing too many and I gave him a good push. He fell right into the rosebush outside the restaurant. The owner tole me I don't need to bother comin' back. Ever."

"Wait a minute. You got banned from the soul diner?"

"Yeah, I got banned from the place and all because I shoved that flirty otter."

This episode featured:
Charles Rivers as Giacomo
Stan Delz as Uncle Sal
and
Jellybean Merengue as the pocketknife.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Real nice party. I see a lot of familiar facelifts."

Uncle Sal and the Mirthful Mascot (Episode 123)

As Uncle Sal and Alice walked downtown, he reached inside his Happy New Year sweater vest and removed his Walter Woodchuck toothpick holder from his shirt pocket. They stopped in front of the Hahn's Soul Oh! diner and Uncle Sal asked, "Didn't this used to be the schoolbook depository?"

"It sure did."

"An' now it's a soul food restaurant?"

"I'm surprised you haven't heard of it with as much as you like soul food."

"Yeah, me too." He leaned close to the placard that displayed the menu and said, "Boy, they got it all. Macaroni and cheese, collard greens, smothered pork chops. My mouth's waterin just standin here."

He was just about to make his way up the stairs when a costumed rodent burst through the door. The rodent carried a sign and went out to the street corner to try and attract traffic to the restaurant. "The heck is that? A giant rat? Why they'd have a giant rat as the mascot?"

"It's an otter."

"An otter? That don't make much more sense. Why an otter?"

"I suppose because otters eat mostly fish and this place specializes in catfish and oyster po'boys. And you'll never guess who's in that costume. You remember Cindy DuValliere?"

"Course I remember her. She was a big chief muckety-muck at the bank. You ain't tellin me she's dressed like a giant otter."

Alice nodded. "She was a big chief muckety-muck, but then when the economy went so bad, she was let go. That was seven months ago. She hasn't been able to find anything since then. She's lost her car, and I hear she's barely scraping by to keep her house. But then, she got this job and she's been telling anyone that'll listen that she's the one in the giant otter costume. She's just so thrilled to be employed. She'll take photos with anyone and she brags whenever she get the chance that she is the mascot for this place."

"I guess that goes to show you how bad things have gotten. She was a CEO and now she's proud to be the soul diner's otter."

This episode featured:
Barnard "Blue" Gill as Uncle Sal
Lawanda Gar as Alice
and
Jellybean Merengue as the Walter Woodchuck toothpick holder.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "You know where I can find Cuervo Jones?"