Uncle Sal and the Prospective Parent (Episode 208)

Inside A Boy Named Sushi, Uncle Sal removed his Lehigh Valley IronPigs baseball cap and slid in across from Giacomo, whose new girlfriend Lindy had just gone to the restroom. He didn't get a long look at her, but saw enough of her bustline to know that she fit Giacomo's type.

"Nice lookin' girl...what I saw of her anyway."

"Yeah, only I'm a little worried about something."

Uncle Sal flagged a waiter and ordered a large bottle of hot sake that they could share. "What's worryin' you?"

"Well, maybe it's nothing, but we were out walking the other day and we passed one of those people that will paint your name on a grain of rice."

"That don't sound like nothin' to worry about," Uncle Sal said as he picked up some chopsticks , then took a shrimp and a piece of gari and put them in his mouth.

"That in itself isn't what worries me. Lindy goes to the guy and she says she has a special request, only she doesn't want me to hear it. So she makes her request and the guy says it will take 20 minutes. I try to convince her that we should keep walking and come back. She says she's not in any hurry and that we can wait. Well, sure enough after 20 minutes, the guy hands her the grain and she puts it directly into her locket."

Giacomo sipped some sake from his cup and wiped his mouth with a linen napkin. "I asked her if she could tell me what he painted for her and she kept refusing. So one day when she was in the shower, she left her locket on the dresser, I opened it up. It didn't seem like a big deal. Then the next day she left her computer open and I could see that she was browsing baby name websites. Well, that got me to thinking and I did some research. The thing on her grain of rice is a bullfrog. And you know what the frog symbolizes? Fertility."

Uncle Sal sipped some hot sake and chased it with a Japanese beer. "Oooh. Then I guess you do have some things to be concerned about."

"I'll say. I mean, we've been dating a couple weeks and she's already looking for baby names."

"And Lindy's pendant is a frog on rice."

This episode featured:
Makhtar Denka as Uncle Sal
Tony Catecuhtli as Giacomo
and
Jellybean Merengue as the gari.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Nobody makes a fool of my family without my help."

Uncle Sal and the Challenging Choirmaster (Episode 178)

Inside A Boy Named Sushi, Uncle Sal slid into a booth across from Sister Mary Evelyn. Just by the expression on her face, he could see he was going to need some liquid help. Before she could launch into anything, he ordered a hot sake. "What's wrong? You look like you just found out your pet was kidnapped."

Mary Evelyn sighed and said, "It's the new choir director Anthony Slate. Sal, he's really great, but a lot of the members of the choir have complained about him."

A waiter arrived at the table. Uncle Sal put in his order for eel, longneck clam, and red snapper, then removed the chopsticks from the pocket of his gecko-print guayabera shirt.

"If he's so good, why are they complaining about him?"

"He's a good singer. I mean, when he sings, it just stirs up all sorts of things inside me. His voice is truly a gift. Seriously Sal, he sounds a bit like Tony Bennett. The trouble is that he's too demanding. Everyone in the choir of course volunteers to be there. They do it because they like to sing and be a part of the church. But Anthony has been holding practices more frequently. And they're longer too. In the middle of the week, he's holding practices that last for two hours. That's pretty tough for people that are working eight hours a day."

Uncle Sal reached for the soy sauce and wasabi. He spooned enough wasabi onto his saucer to clear anyone's nasal passages for a week. He poured a small lake of soy sauce on top of it and mixed it with his chopsticks. He licked the chopsticks and was satisfied that he had gotten the mixture right on the first try.

"And he's giving them more complex parts, asking them to sing things that aren't really in their range. It's like he thinks he's dealing with professional musicians. Our choir is good. Frankly, I think it's the best in town. But they're not professionals. I understand that Anthony is only trying to make it better, and he would know how with his classical training. I hope they don't complain so much that he decides to leave, but goodness gracious, Slate galls the choir."

This episode featured:
Pedro "Pipes" Hamelin as Uncle Sal
Chantal Tenor as Sister Mary Evelyn
Hiroshi Soprano as the waiter
and
Jellybean Merengue as the chopsticks.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "The trouble with mornings is that they come when you're not awake."