Uncle Sal and John arrived at Giacomo's place for their guys night out at the Wombats doubleheader and whatever followed. Giacomo laughed when he opened the door and saw Uncle Sal wearing a black stovepipe hat with the Wombats logo on it. He patted his pockets and felt that he had everything he needed: keys, wallet, flask. "Let's go."
"It's just you? I thought you were bringing a friend."
"I thought so too," Giacomo answered. "Turns out today is the first day of grouse season and he wouldn't miss it for the world."
They walked to the Dodge Dart and Uncle Sal said, "I ain't much on grouse myself. They're a little gamy and you can't get much meat offa them. I know a guy, Garth Ormbostad, who is crazy about grouse. Has a two-foot-tall statue of a grouse, made of brass, right by his front door. First thing you see when you walk into his house. Course his wife hates it, but he polishes that thing like it's an Oscar. The thing is absolutely his pride and joy. Or was.
One time, Garth invited a buncha us over for a card game. One of the guys brought a friend called Vince Jones. Big moose of a guy. Well, Garth welcomes him in and says, 'What can I get you to drink, bro?' This moose just scowls at Garth. 'What did you say?' Garth repeats himself, 'What can I get you to drink, bro?'
Well, this guy Vince takes the statue by the door and he just heaves it out the open door. Wouldn't you know it? A moving truck comes by just as that statue's above the street. It bounces off the grill of the truck and onto the curb where it ends up all dented and mangled."
Giacomo looked at Uncle Sal with wide eyes. "Are you serious? He did that?"
"Course I'm serious. I saw it with my own two eyes. Just goes to show you. People who live with brass grouses shouldn't 'bro' Jones."
[Editor's note: We realize that the preferred plural of grouse is, in fact, grouse. However, the author decided it was "funnier in context" if he used the less preferred, and therefore less correct plural grouses. He didn't find it quite as funny when he was given 30 lashes with an al dente piece of linguine.]
This episode featured:
Walter Mellon as Uncle Sal
Warren Pease as John
Lester Blue as Giacomo
and
Jellybean Merengue as the flask.
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking."
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Uncle Sal and the Misjudged Marlboro Man (Episode 51)
Giacomo arrived to take Uncle Sal to the dachshund races and as soon as he was in the car, Uncle Sal removed his sandalwood stovepipe hat and said, "What on earth is going on with that Cementhead Mitchell? I read inna paper that the Hill family wants to charge him with public indecency."
"It's totally bogus, that's what it is."
"It don't sound bogus from what they said inna newspaper."
"Well, when have you ever known the newspaper to give the real story? Cementhead told me all about it himself the other night at our bowling league."
Uncle Sal removed a packet of oyster crackers from the inside pocket of his Members Only jacket and offered one to Giacomo, who declined and continued his story. "See, Cementhead did the same thing he does every morning. He made some coffee and then took the cup of coffee out on the patio. He was in his boxers because he had just woken up, and because from what he's told me, he doesn't normally wear anything more than that around the house." Giacomo guided his car onto the freeway and said, "So there's Cementhead in his boxers on the patio, having his first cup of coffee and smoke of the day. And he did what a lot of guys do when they first wake up. With a cigarette in his mouth, he stretched and then he scratched himself."
"Scratched himself, is that all?"
"Yeah, that's all. Apparently the Hills are really conservative folks and the twelve-year-old girl Jill just happened to see Cementhead scratching himself. She told her parents and then her parents called the cops. All because Cementhead was having a smoke and scratching himself on his own patio. Like he's the first guy that's ever done that. OK, so maybe he could have been more discreet about it, but..."
"Sure, it's no big deal to most people with half a brain, but it's lewd to the Hills."
This episode featured:
Fred "Grizzly" Adamawiecz as Giacomo
Todd Recene as Uncle Sal
and
Jellybean Merengue as the packet of oyster crackers.
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Get a U-Haul full of souvenirs."
"It's totally bogus, that's what it is."
"It don't sound bogus from what they said inna newspaper."
"Well, when have you ever known the newspaper to give the real story? Cementhead told me all about it himself the other night at our bowling league."
Uncle Sal removed a packet of oyster crackers from the inside pocket of his Members Only jacket and offered one to Giacomo, who declined and continued his story. "See, Cementhead did the same thing he does every morning. He made some coffee and then took the cup of coffee out on the patio. He was in his boxers because he had just woken up, and because from what he's told me, he doesn't normally wear anything more than that around the house." Giacomo guided his car onto the freeway and said, "So there's Cementhead in his boxers on the patio, having his first cup of coffee and smoke of the day. And he did what a lot of guys do when they first wake up. With a cigarette in his mouth, he stretched and then he scratched himself."
"Scratched himself, is that all?"
"Yeah, that's all. Apparently the Hills are really conservative folks and the twelve-year-old girl Jill just happened to see Cementhead scratching himself. She told her parents and then her parents called the cops. All because Cementhead was having a smoke and scratching himself on his own patio. Like he's the first guy that's ever done that. OK, so maybe he could have been more discreet about it, but..."
"Sure, it's no big deal to most people with half a brain, but it's lewd to the Hills."
This episode featured:
Fred "Grizzly" Adamawiecz as Giacomo
Todd Recene as Uncle Sal
and
Jellybean Merengue as the packet of oyster crackers.
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Get a U-Haul full of souvenirs."
Uncle Sal and the Disgruntled Diner (Episode 50)
Uncle Sal had just hung his blackberry stovepipe hat on the rack by the door when he heard a knock. Giacomo stood there with a little wisp of a blond wearing a pale blue sundress.
"Uncle Sal, I want you to meet Ellen. Ellen, this is my Uncle Sal."
Uncle Sal shook her thin hand and felt like he might break it if he shook too hard. "You guys are right on time. I just got home myself and I'm gonna start cooking dinner. Fix yourselves a drink, and fix me one while you're at it."
Giacomo followed him into the kitchen to get some ice and a jar of olives for the drinks. "What are you cooking?"
"I'm gonna make some beef stew. "
"That sounds good," Ellen said, settling into one of the stools in the kitchen.
Uncle Sal looked her over. She was skinnier than Giacomo normally liked his girls. He wondered if one piece of beef, or even one piece of carrot would make her full. "I gotta tell ya, every time I make beef stew, it reminds me of this guy Bruce Neville. We went to this restaurant one time called The Bum's Steer. Bruce, boy could he eat. He ordered a big plate of steak fries covered in cheese, just as his appetizer and then for his entree he ordered beef stew. Well, he went through them fries like they was going out of style and then looked like he was gonna start gnawing on the table while he waited for the stew."
Uncle Sal started sauteeing the beef and Giacomo came into the kitchen with the drinks: martinis for him and Ellen and a Scotch neat for Uncle Sal. "Well, Bruce's stew finally arrives and he looks at it. Then he looks at the waiter. 'Excuse me. I ordered the beef stew.' The waiter looks right back at 'im and says, 'Sir, that is the beef stew.' Well, ol' Bruce wasn't gonna stand for that. He told the waiter it wasn't beef stew it was beef in broth with some undercooked vegetables. The waiter just kept telling him that he had the stew right in front of him. Well, that set Bruce off. 'This is supposed to be a restaurant that specializes in beef. And you can't even make a decent stew. Let me tell ya one thing, pal. I ain't payin' for this because this ain't what I ordered. Do I have to go back into that kitchen and make the stew myself?' On and on he went. He was ready to go into the kitchen and fight the cook responsible for making his food. In the end, he made such a stink that the manager of the place come out and told us the meal would be on the house."
"That's great! Ellen said."
"Sure, it was good that we got a free meal out of it, but that whole ugly scene could have been avoided if they'd just given the Neville his stew."
This episode featured:
Dirk Pugh as Uncle Sal
Sylvester Swanson as Giacomo
Ginger Seals as Ellen
and
Jellybean Merengue as the jar of olives.
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Your new nickname is Flounder."
[20 July 2008]
"Uncle Sal, I want you to meet Ellen. Ellen, this is my Uncle Sal."
Uncle Sal shook her thin hand and felt like he might break it if he shook too hard. "You guys are right on time. I just got home myself and I'm gonna start cooking dinner. Fix yourselves a drink, and fix me one while you're at it."
Giacomo followed him into the kitchen to get some ice and a jar of olives for the drinks. "What are you cooking?"
"I'm gonna make some beef stew. "
"That sounds good," Ellen said, settling into one of the stools in the kitchen.
Uncle Sal looked her over. She was skinnier than Giacomo normally liked his girls. He wondered if one piece of beef, or even one piece of carrot would make her full. "I gotta tell ya, every time I make beef stew, it reminds me of this guy Bruce Neville. We went to this restaurant one time called The Bum's Steer. Bruce, boy could he eat. He ordered a big plate of steak fries covered in cheese, just as his appetizer and then for his entree he ordered beef stew. Well, he went through them fries like they was going out of style and then looked like he was gonna start gnawing on the table while he waited for the stew."
Uncle Sal started sauteeing the beef and Giacomo came into the kitchen with the drinks: martinis for him and Ellen and a Scotch neat for Uncle Sal. "Well, Bruce's stew finally arrives and he looks at it. Then he looks at the waiter. 'Excuse me. I ordered the beef stew.' The waiter looks right back at 'im and says, 'Sir, that is the beef stew.' Well, ol' Bruce wasn't gonna stand for that. He told the waiter it wasn't beef stew it was beef in broth with some undercooked vegetables. The waiter just kept telling him that he had the stew right in front of him. Well, that set Bruce off. 'This is supposed to be a restaurant that specializes in beef. And you can't even make a decent stew. Let me tell ya one thing, pal. I ain't payin' for this because this ain't what I ordered. Do I have to go back into that kitchen and make the stew myself?' On and on he went. He was ready to go into the kitchen and fight the cook responsible for making his food. In the end, he made such a stink that the manager of the place come out and told us the meal would be on the house."
"That's great! Ellen said."
"Sure, it was good that we got a free meal out of it, but that whole ugly scene could have been avoided if they'd just given the Neville his stew."
This episode featured:
Dirk Pugh as Uncle Sal
Sylvester Swanson as Giacomo
Ginger Seals as Ellen
and
Jellybean Merengue as the jar of olives.
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Your new nickname is Flounder."
[20 July 2008]
Uncle Sal and the Miffed Mechanic (Episode 49)
Uncle Sal picked up Giacomo in his Dodge Dart and headed on his way to the Wombats baseball game. His sand-colored stovepipe hat nearly scraped the roof of the car. After only getting a block away from Giacomo's place, Uncle Sal saw a roadside assistance truck driver assisting someone with a flat tire.
"Look at that jack. Sure, they all look real pretty, but they sure don't make 'em like they used to. I knew this tow truck driver Vern Hamel. He drove a tow truck twenny years. Not only that, he had the same truck twenny years. Everybody knew ol' Vern's orange Ford truck. Well, it started out orange. But it faded over all them years of dust and sunlight. He had the same jack all that time too. Said if his truck or his jack ever gave out, he wouldn't be a tow truck driver no more."
Uncle Sal turned left to head toward the stadium. "Anyway, Vern gets a call one night. It's raining and some guy in a suit's got a flat tire. Well, you know, Vern's gotta do his job. He goes out to this dark road in the rain and he gets his gear from the back of the truck. Right away, the guy in the suit come outta his car with an umbrella. Doesn't offer to hold the umbrella over Vern, mind you. Well, this guy, Nelson Shaw was his name. Vern never forgot it because he never met anyone as annoying. This fella is talking the whole time Vern's getting ready to work on that big ol' Chrysler. Wasn't talking about anything interesting: his business, his wife, his kids. You know, all that stuff people can bore you with."
Giacomo adjusted his Wombats baseball cap and wondered where the story was going.
"So, Vern gets his jack under the Chrysler, cranks it three times and BOOM!" Uncle Sal slapped the steering wheel. "That Chrysler come right back down on the shoulder of the road. Well, that Shaw starts cussing a blue streak at Vern. Called him incompetent and said he'd sue if his car was damaged. Vern, he didn't care about anything the guy said. He just up and left the guy by the side of the road. And he was true to his word. He never drove a tow truck again because that was the Shaw that broke Hamel's jack."
This episode featured
Hugo Furst as Uncle Sal
Adam Assenmacher as Giacomo
and
Jellybean Merengue as the Wombats cap
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "She has fingernails that shine like justice."
[12 July 2008]
"Look at that jack. Sure, they all look real pretty, but they sure don't make 'em like they used to. I knew this tow truck driver Vern Hamel. He drove a tow truck twenny years. Not only that, he had the same truck twenny years. Everybody knew ol' Vern's orange Ford truck. Well, it started out orange. But it faded over all them years of dust and sunlight. He had the same jack all that time too. Said if his truck or his jack ever gave out, he wouldn't be a tow truck driver no more."
Uncle Sal turned left to head toward the stadium. "Anyway, Vern gets a call one night. It's raining and some guy in a suit's got a flat tire. Well, you know, Vern's gotta do his job. He goes out to this dark road in the rain and he gets his gear from the back of the truck. Right away, the guy in the suit come outta his car with an umbrella. Doesn't offer to hold the umbrella over Vern, mind you. Well, this guy, Nelson Shaw was his name. Vern never forgot it because he never met anyone as annoying. This fella is talking the whole time Vern's getting ready to work on that big ol' Chrysler. Wasn't talking about anything interesting: his business, his wife, his kids. You know, all that stuff people can bore you with."
Giacomo adjusted his Wombats baseball cap and wondered where the story was going.
"So, Vern gets his jack under the Chrysler, cranks it three times and BOOM!" Uncle Sal slapped the steering wheel. "That Chrysler come right back down on the shoulder of the road. Well, that Shaw starts cussing a blue streak at Vern. Called him incompetent and said he'd sue if his car was damaged. Vern, he didn't care about anything the guy said. He just up and left the guy by the side of the road. And he was true to his word. He never drove a tow truck again because that was the Shaw that broke Hamel's jack."
This episode featured
Hugo Furst as Uncle Sal
Adam Assenmacher as Giacomo
and
Jellybean Merengue as the Wombats cap
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "She has fingernails that shine like justice."
[12 July 2008]
Uncle Sal and the Problematic Prescription (Episode 48)
Uncle Sal sat next to Giacomo at the bar. His umber stovepipe hat rested beside his Scotch. A commercial came on the television behind the bar and Uncle Sal threw a peanut at the screen. "Dangit! I don't want to see this commercial. I hate the commercials for these dang male enhancement pills." He altered his voice, presumably to sound like someone taking the medication. "Lookit me! I take these pills and now I can throw a football through a tire swing." He sipped his Scotch and said, "It's disgusting! Can't go five minutes without seein' one of them commercials."
"I have two friends that were taking those things. Todd French and Todd Szymanski. They're actually roommates, so you can imagine the confusion they have with incoming phone calls." He took a drink of his ale and said, "At first they both thought the pills were great. They were, well, let's just say they were putting that medicine to good use. And they told me all about it, whether I wanted them to or not. Then French started complaining about how his vision was getting fuzzy. Said it was pretty gradual, but he was more than a little disturbed by it. He never wore glasses before in his life, and then one day he almost got into an accident because his vision was so fuzzy. A few weeks later, Szymanski starts complaining about a gradual decline in his vision. Same thing. Never wore glasses before."
"That's what happens when ya get older, Giacomo. Things don't work the way they oughta. Always seems to start with the eyes."
"Yeah, I know, but these two guys were both twenty-twenty. One time, French was driving at night and stood on the brakes to avoid hitting a rabbit. He had seen the car lights reflected in the rabbit's eyes. I'm telling you, it was something. Doctors started looking into it and they couldn't find any cause at first. They eventually eliminated all the possibilities except for one thing. They figured out that the two guys were losing their vision because of those pills they were taking. Do you believe it? They were getting more action in bed but giving up their sight for the privilege."
"Why the heck are those two guys taking the pills anyway? Are they old guys?"
"No, they're probably early thirties. But didn't you hear what I said?"
"Course I heard ya. You're telling me the pills of the Todds blind slowly."
This episode featured:
Early Hammer as Uncle Sal
Jesus Jenkins as Giacomo
and
Jellybean Merengue as the peanut.
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Why did Constantinople get the works?"
[6 July 2008]
"I have two friends that were taking those things. Todd French and Todd Szymanski. They're actually roommates, so you can imagine the confusion they have with incoming phone calls." He took a drink of his ale and said, "At first they both thought the pills were great. They were, well, let's just say they were putting that medicine to good use. And they told me all about it, whether I wanted them to or not. Then French started complaining about how his vision was getting fuzzy. Said it was pretty gradual, but he was more than a little disturbed by it. He never wore glasses before in his life, and then one day he almost got into an accident because his vision was so fuzzy. A few weeks later, Szymanski starts complaining about a gradual decline in his vision. Same thing. Never wore glasses before."
"That's what happens when ya get older, Giacomo. Things don't work the way they oughta. Always seems to start with the eyes."
"Yeah, I know, but these two guys were both twenty-twenty. One time, French was driving at night and stood on the brakes to avoid hitting a rabbit. He had seen the car lights reflected in the rabbit's eyes. I'm telling you, it was something. Doctors started looking into it and they couldn't find any cause at first. They eventually eliminated all the possibilities except for one thing. They figured out that the two guys were losing their vision because of those pills they were taking. Do you believe it? They were getting more action in bed but giving up their sight for the privilege."
"Why the heck are those two guys taking the pills anyway? Are they old guys?"
"No, they're probably early thirties. But didn't you hear what I said?"
"Course I heard ya. You're telling me the pills of the Todds blind slowly."
This episode featured:
Early Hammer as Uncle Sal
Jesus Jenkins as Giacomo
and
Jellybean Merengue as the peanut.
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Why did Constantinople get the works?"
[6 July 2008]
Uncle Sal and the Hidden Habit (Episode 47)
Uncle Sal hung his periwinkle stovepipe hat on the hat rack and slid into the booth across from his sister. The bags under her eyes had grown since the last time she saw her. She stirred her tea with a Jimmy Carter spoon and barely looked up as Sal entered the booth.
"What's the matter now, Mary Evelyn? Every time I see you, you look like someone whose pet turtle just died."
"Well, it's that younger sister again. I mean, we had that problem with the...noises from her room. And then she just got sullen for a while."
"Yeah, yeah. And she wouldn't even play the weekly canasta game. What's she up to now?"
"Well, she might have worked her way right out of the convent this time. And it's too bad. She's got such a good heart."
"Maybe so, but without ever having met her, I'd say she's just too wild to be in a convent. But you didn't answer my question."
"Well, she got sullen for a while. And then, one day, she was back to normal. I don't know if one of the other sisters had a chat with her or what. But she was her usual happy self again. We found out this week why she's been so happy. She's been sneaking out at night. She won't say what she's been doing, but we can only imagine. Every night, she's been sneaking out and coming back in sometime early, and I mean early in the morning."
"I gotta say, I can't blame her. Prolly gets awfully stuffy in that convent, 'specially for a young woman. How'd she get caught?"
"We have this umbrella stand by the door, shaped like a cat. You know, it hasn't rained in a while so no one has needed to use it. Well, one night, Sister Mary Katherine came in kind of late. She couldn't sleep and she went for a walk even though it was drizzling. Well, when she put her umbrella into that umbrella stand, it didn't make the usual sound it makes when an umbrella hits the bottom. Sister Mary Katherine looked inside and she saw a habit. Well, this young sister, she's the only one small enough to fit in it, so..." Mary Evelyn's voice trailed off.
"That's pretty sharp. She was going out every night and when she came back, she'd pull her habit out of the cat."
This episode featured:
Dallas Royer as Uncle Sal
Claire Voyence as Sister Mary Evelyn
and
Jellybean Merengue as the Jimmy Carter spoon
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willets?"
[29 June 2008]
"What's the matter now, Mary Evelyn? Every time I see you, you look like someone whose pet turtle just died."
"Well, it's that younger sister again. I mean, we had that problem with the...noises from her room. And then she just got sullen for a while."
"Yeah, yeah. And she wouldn't even play the weekly canasta game. What's she up to now?"
"Well, she might have worked her way right out of the convent this time. And it's too bad. She's got such a good heart."
"Maybe so, but without ever having met her, I'd say she's just too wild to be in a convent. But you didn't answer my question."
"Well, she got sullen for a while. And then, one day, she was back to normal. I don't know if one of the other sisters had a chat with her or what. But she was her usual happy self again. We found out this week why she's been so happy. She's been sneaking out at night. She won't say what she's been doing, but we can only imagine. Every night, she's been sneaking out and coming back in sometime early, and I mean early in the morning."
"I gotta say, I can't blame her. Prolly gets awfully stuffy in that convent, 'specially for a young woman. How'd she get caught?"
"We have this umbrella stand by the door, shaped like a cat. You know, it hasn't rained in a while so no one has needed to use it. Well, one night, Sister Mary Katherine came in kind of late. She couldn't sleep and she went for a walk even though it was drizzling. Well, when she put her umbrella into that umbrella stand, it didn't make the usual sound it makes when an umbrella hits the bottom. Sister Mary Katherine looked inside and she saw a habit. Well, this young sister, she's the only one small enough to fit in it, so..." Mary Evelyn's voice trailed off.
"That's pretty sharp. She was going out every night and when she came back, she'd pull her habit out of the cat."
This episode featured:
Dallas Royer as Uncle Sal
Claire Voyence as Sister Mary Evelyn
and
Jellybean Merengue as the Jimmy Carter spoon
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willets?"
[29 June 2008]
Uncle Sal and the Bizarre Bout (Episode 46)
Uncle Sal took his seat between Giacomo and Alice at the old Civic Arena for the evening's boxing match between Frankie "Thunder" Bolton and Tony Toluca. He placed his saffron stovepipe hat on his lap and opened his program. "Boy, I tell ya, Giacomo. This is gonna be one great bout. I'm glad you were able to get some tickets to this."
Alice held out her bag of popcorn and Uncle Sal took a handful. With a mouthful of popcorn, he said, "I ever tell ya about the craziest fight I ever saw?"
"You mean the one where your friend fought an orangutan in a bar?"
"No, not that one. I mean the craziest fight I ever saw between two humans. There was this guy PT Unterberg. He told everyone that the PT stood for Paul Thompson, after his granddad. Well, that didn't matter to us. As far as we knew, PT stood for Pretty Tall. he was prolly six-foot-ten and about three hunnerd and fifteen pounds. Ain't nobody wanted to mess with ol' PT, I can tell ya that. 'Cept for this one fella, and he was probably the least likely person you could imagine would want to mess with PT. This fella stood about five-foot-nothin'." Uncle Sal sipped his beer from the plastic cup. "Well at this bar, PT sees this fella and starts throwing peanuts at him. The little fella gets up, goes across the room, and he's got busted peanut shells in his hair. PT even landed one in the guy's shirt pocket. Well now, this fella stands in front of PT and says, 'You've been throwing peanuts at me, and let me tell you I ain't happy.'"
Uncle Sal took another handful of popcorn and washed it down with another swallow of beer. "I tell ya, I still don't believe what happened next. PT leaned way down, patted the little fella on the head and said, 'Which one are ya then?' Little fella gets so upset, he just bites PT's forearm. I don't hafta tell ya PT wasn't gonna stand for that. He just made a fist and conked that little fella on top of the ol' coconut and that guy just fell straight back onto the floor, out cold. That little guy, he only proved what the rest of us already knew: You can't bite Pretty Tall."
This episode featured:
Neil B. Formy as Uncle Sal
Grover Beard as Giacomo
Mollie Gee as Alice
and
Jellybean Merengue as the bag of popcorn.
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "I used to be with it, but now what I'm with isn't it."
[21 June 2008]
Alice held out her bag of popcorn and Uncle Sal took a handful. With a mouthful of popcorn, he said, "I ever tell ya about the craziest fight I ever saw?"
"You mean the one where your friend fought an orangutan in a bar?"
"No, not that one. I mean the craziest fight I ever saw between two humans. There was this guy PT Unterberg. He told everyone that the PT stood for Paul Thompson, after his granddad. Well, that didn't matter to us. As far as we knew, PT stood for Pretty Tall. he was prolly six-foot-ten and about three hunnerd and fifteen pounds. Ain't nobody wanted to mess with ol' PT, I can tell ya that. 'Cept for this one fella, and he was probably the least likely person you could imagine would want to mess with PT. This fella stood about five-foot-nothin'." Uncle Sal sipped his beer from the plastic cup. "Well at this bar, PT sees this fella and starts throwing peanuts at him. The little fella gets up, goes across the room, and he's got busted peanut shells in his hair. PT even landed one in the guy's shirt pocket. Well now, this fella stands in front of PT and says, 'You've been throwing peanuts at me, and let me tell you I ain't happy.'"
Uncle Sal took another handful of popcorn and washed it down with another swallow of beer. "I tell ya, I still don't believe what happened next. PT leaned way down, patted the little fella on the head and said, 'Which one are ya then?' Little fella gets so upset, he just bites PT's forearm. I don't hafta tell ya PT wasn't gonna stand for that. He just made a fist and conked that little fella on top of the ol' coconut and that guy just fell straight back onto the floor, out cold. That little guy, he only proved what the rest of us already knew: You can't bite Pretty Tall."
This episode featured:
Neil B. Formy as Uncle Sal
Grover Beard as Giacomo
Mollie Gee as Alice
and
Jellybean Merengue as the bag of popcorn.
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "I used to be with it, but now what I'm with isn't it."
[21 June 2008]
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