Saturday, April 17, 2010

Uncle Sal and the Feckless Fielder (Episode 139)

Uncle Sal settled into his seat at his first Wombats game of the year. It didn't take long before he was voicing his displeasure, and not about the nacho cheese on his turquoise Wombats replica jersey. A Mudskippers player hit an easy ground ball to the shortstop Al Derman. The displeasure came when Derman let the ball go through his legs into the outfield.

"Boy, Giacomo. I can't believe the Wombats can't find anybody better'n Derman at shortstop."

"It's still early in the season. Maybe he'll come around."

"Not from what I read about the guy. Seems he's got a reputation for having a skillet at the end of his arm instead of a baseball mitt. Reminds me of a guy on the team when I played for the Wombats. Second baseman by the name of Rob Leffenwaffel. I tell ya, the guy couldn't field a beach ball." Uncle Sal washed a nacho down with a big gulp of Spud's.

"You could hit the slowest ground ball known to man, and Leffenwaffel would find a way to get that ball into the outfield. Only reason he ever saw the field was because he was all we had. Anyway, we had one game where ol' Leffenwaffel had three errors in a single inning. It was so bad, the manager put me, a right fielder, in at second base. Well, after the game, the manager is really leanin' into Leffenwaffel. Tellin' him he's tired of seeing so many errors. He explains what he wants. He wants Leffenwaffel to carry a ball in his mitt all the time: in the shower, when he eats, when he sleeps. Just so Leffenwaffel can get used to the feeling of a ball in his mitt. Coach knew it wasn't gonna happen any other way."

"You mean..."

"That's right. After so many errors all the time, the manager finally told him, 'Take this, Rob, and glove it.'"

This episode featured:
Ty "Corny" Cobham as Uncle Sal
Cy "Young" Francklinstein as Giacomo
Jellybean Merengue as the nacho cheese.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Salvation is a last-minute business, boy."

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