Sunday, November 1, 2009

Uncle Sal and the Beaned Batsman (Episode 115)

In the Crow Bar, Uncle Sal and Joe sat watching the baseball championship series even though the Wombats were not playing in it. The Mudskippers and the Hagfish were tied at 4 with one out and the bases loaded in the bottom of the 9th.

The announcer said, "And Graves lifts a lazy fly ball to shortstop for the second Mudskippers out of the inning."

Uncle Sal brushed a rice cracker off of his Viva Las Vegas sweater vest and said, "Unbelievable! How much are they paying that bum, and he can't even hit the ball hard enough to bring home the run that would have won the game."

Joe saw who was walking toward the plate and said, "It don't matter. Look who's coming up to bat."

Uncle Sal looked at the screen. "Otis Lamorey? A .250 hitter with only three home runs and thirty-two RBIs. I guess you're right. It don't matter who's coming to bat. This game's goin to extra innings."

"No, no! Not at all. Lamorey's gonna win the game for the Mudskippers, just you watch."

"Now what makes you think that a terrible hitter like that is gonna win the game?"

"Don't you know about Lamorey?"

"Course I don't. He don't play for the Wombats."

After a sip of his stout, Joe said, "This is a guy that has made an art form of getting hit by a pitch. I mean, this is a guy that can dive into any pitch. Fastball, slider, curveball. Heck I even seen him get hit with a sixty-five mile per hour knuckleball one time. I ain't sure how he does it, and I ain't sure if what he does is within the rules of the game. I mean, to be honest, the guy ain't worth having on the team for any other reason. Funny thing is, he always goes down too. Even with the knuckleball, he manages to fall and make it look realistic."

"So, this guy is gonna get hit by a pitch and force in the winning run?"

"Just watch."

The announcer became more excited as the pitcher threw two balls to Lamorey. "It's a two-oh count. This is gonna have to be a good pitch. Nowhere to put Lamorey here. Niskeiwicz steps off the mound and talks into his hat. Probably telling himself he needs to throw a strike here. Niskiewicz rears back and here's the pitch."

Uncle Sal watched as Lamorey looked like he tried to avoid the pitch, only to have it hit him right in the rib cage. He fell to the ground as his teammates ran onto the field to celebrate the victory. "I guess you're right, Joe. Every pitcher fells Lamorey."

This episode featured:
Dizzy Diener as Uncle Sal
Julius "Boysenberry" Sheikz as Joe
Jellybean Merengue as the rice cracker.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop."

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