Saturday, August 14, 2010

Uncle Sal and the Promiscuous Prelate (Episode 156)

Uncle Sal entered the Salvador Deli and looked around at the decor on the walls. On one side there was the skull of a longhorn steer with a handlebar mustache. On another wall, a branch was mounted. On the branch was a bottle of Tennessee whiskey with a Frisbee stuck inside it. "Interesting place," Uncle Sal said as he sat across from his sister Mary Evelyn.

"Not as interesting as the news we got at the church this morning."

Uncle Sal flagged a waiter and ordered the house specialty drink: a Melting Clock. The menu declared it "stronger than Hercules."

"This hasn't even made the papers yet, but everyone will know about it soon enough. You know Bishop Levin?"

Sal shook his head. He couldn't pick any religious leaders out of a lineup.

"Well, he's been moved around a lot for behavioral issues. It seems he has a penchant for exotic dancers, especially Filipinas. He was moved to this diocese because there were whisperings about him using money from the collection plate to hire exotic dancers. No one could prove anything though. Until now. It seems our Bishop got a surprise visit from his boss last night."

Uncle Sal took a sip of his drink and felt a drop of condensation fall onto his The Nico Blues t-shirt. As he brushed it off, Mary Evelyn continued her story. "Well, Levin actually had a dancer in the rectory when his boss arrived. The Archbishop asked what was that flowery scent in the room. The Bishop said it was his toilet spray. Well, a lot more questions came, but the Bishop had a good answer for every one of them. And it seemed like he was going to get away with his tawdry behavior. Then as the Archbishop walked toward the door, he saw a...well, a black nylon on the carpet. You can guess that the Bishop didn't have a clever answer for that.

"And now he's probably going to lose his job because the Archbishop found the stocking on Levin's floor."

This episode featured:
Enrico Stiletto as Uncle Sal
Patty Hoose as Mary Evelyn
Jellybean Merengue as the Frisbee.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "I'm just tryin' to figure out how that boy's brain works."

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