Saturday, August 21, 2010

Uncle Sal and the Rotten Resumes (Episode 157)

Uncle Sal sat down next to Mike Hawke at The Crow Bar. He hadn't seen Mike since the previous meeting of the Fraternal Order of Grackles. When he saw a Spud's placed in front of Uncle Sal, he said, "You know, that's a fine beer. It's too bad that it's so hard to find."

Uncle Sal took a long pull from the bottle and set it back on the Monkey Knife Fight Pale Ale coaster. After flicking a roly-poly off of his The Earps t-shirt, he said, "I couldn't agree with you more. D'you know I was working for Spud's right when it got started?"

"No, I didn't know that."

"Yup, and the company might have gone under before it got started if not for me. See, I was working with Petros Georgiou, who had been put in charge of marketing. Well, he was coming down to the time when he needed to hire salesmen to start moving the beer. He showed me the resumes of a couple guys."

Uncle Sal paused for a moment as he watched the Wombats pitcher throw a pitch that went about seven feet over the catcher's head. "You shoulda seen these resumes. They were disastrous."

"A lot of spelling errors, things like that?"

"Spelling errors would have been the least of their problems. Two brothers, Lee and Jian Fong, submitted their resumes. Lee claimed he had been the president of Andorra, and Jian said that he got his management experience after he was abducted by aliens from Jupiter and taken there to run a chizzwick factory."

"What on earth is a chizzwick?"

"Exactly. And then there was this guy Brian Paltz. He came right out and told Petros he was twenny-five years old and still living at home...and that he had never had a job. You believe that? Prolly only submitted his resume because he thought he'd be drinking a lot of the beer. So Petros asked me who I think he should hire. I told him he couldn't hire any of these clowns. He said, but they're the best and only candidates we have. I told him that if that were the case, we'd just have to find more candidates, guys that could actually get this beer in bars and stores. Petros objected saying he didn't have time. I just looked at him and I said, 'Look, Spud's is a good product and it has the potential to take off. But I'll tell you right now, mad Fongs and Paltzes aren't selling this beer."

This episode featured:
Leland Stule as Uncle Sal
Jacob "Juke" Bachston as Mike Hawke
Jellybean Merengue as the roly-poly.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says "Open that door, you spawn of the devil's own strumpet!"

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