Uncle Sal looked up at the scoreboard of the Tobacco Bowl and shook his head. The Boneshakers were losing 20-3 to the Ocelots as the game approached halftime. After a sip of hot toddy from his Biketoberfest flask and turned to Doak Carr sitting on his left. "Boy, I tell ya, Doak. Boneshakers look terrible today. I don't unnerstand what happened to the offense. I ain't never seen 'em look this bad. They better get it turned around."
Doak said, "The problem ain't the offense."
"Whatta ya mean the problem ain't the offense? They only got 44 yards the entire first half, and they were lucky to get that field goal with it bouncing off the upright like that. And the defense ain't been much better. They're lucky the Ocelots only have 20 points so far."
Doak shook his head. "No, that ain't the problem at all." He took a bite of the red hot he had just bought from the vendor and said, "I'm telling ya, that ain't the problem. See them big goonie brothers about six rows down. One in the camouflage jacket and one in the striped turtleneck. That's Clem and Elmer Todd Vylde. They been season ticket holders since I don't know when. You probably seen 'em on TV. They figure any guy can go shirtless at a football game just to get on camera. But these two guys, they only go shirtless when the team needs a rally."
"But then why do they still have their shirts on? If ever the Boneshakers needed a rally, it's now."
"That's the thing. I talked to them before the game. They ain't goin' shirtless today. You wouldn't think 18 degrees is too cold for them to take off their shirts, but Elmer Todd told me he's just gettin' over a respiratory infection and doesn't want to take the chance of gettin' sick again. Of course if Elmer Todd is keepin' his shirt on, so is Clem."
"But we gotta get 'em to change their minds. Get 'em drunk, something. I don't want to watch the Boneshakers lose just because these guys don't want to risk a cold. Ya gotta find a way to bare the Vylde things, Carr."
This episode featured:
Rico "Tail" Backus as Uncle Sal
Delbert "The Nose" Tachel
Lloyd and Boyd Leinenbacher as the Vylde brothers
Jellybean Merengue as the camouflage jacket.
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "He is an unsurpassed nincompoop with the manners of a warthog."