Giacomo and his new girlfriend Dara climbed into the Dodge Dart and Uncle Sal headed toward the Elvis impersonator contest at the fairgrounds.
Dara reached toward the front seat and offered Uncle Sal a pretzel flavored like Buffalo wings. He took one and popped it in his mouth. "Say, that's pretty good."
"Better than the place where we just ate. Have you been to Knuckle's Sandwiches?"
"No. No good, eh?" Uncle Sal asked as he glanced at the rearview mirror. He didn't like how closely the blue Honda was following him.
"Put it to you this way. It's kind of a high-end sandwich shop and they have a hostess seat you. But when we arrived, there was a pickle on my chair and the remains of someone's sandwich on the table."
"Sounds a little like this place I went to when I was a restaurant critic. Place where I ended up makin' a scene. I went with my friend Dee Guardia. We walked in and saw a June bug scurrying across the carpet. There was a bunch of lettuce under our table and some dirty napkins on our chairs. Dee tells me we should go. She don't wanna eat in this place. I told her that I was on assignment, so I had to review the place. Plus, they had great beer specials."
Uncle Sal removed a bottle of nasal spray from the pocket of his ocher guayabera shirt and put one squirt in each nostril. "Well, she sure took advantage of the beer specials. It's all she had. She protested eating anything there. I had some linguine with clams. It wasn't bad, but nothin' to write home about. None of the food was too spectacular. Plus, we noticed that the mess that had been at our table wasn't the only one. There were scraps and stains all over the carpet.
While I was eating my dessert, Dee ordered probably her sixth beer. The waiter said they couldn't serve her anymore. As I had been eating, her complaints about the place got louder and louder. He said she didn't need no more of them beers. She asked to see a manager and that's where it got interesting. There she is, berating the manager for being cut off. He's yelling at her, telling her she's had far too much already. Meanwhile, I'm yelling at the manager for the all the grime in the restaurant, telling him I wouldn't eat in his place again if someone dared me."
"Sounds like total chaos."
"I suppose you could put it that way. It was quite a scene when the guy refused Dee while I dissed his sty."
This episode featured:
Jimmy Henricks as Uncle Sal
Raoul "Purple" Haze as Giacomo
Gypsy Neptune as Dara
Jellybean Merengue as the nasal spray.
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "The whole family is a bunch of dangerous freaks...Most are ex-cons or junkies or deranged from inbreeding."