Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Ask Uncle Sal: Erection set?

Dear Uncle Sal: My wife's parents just e-mailed us asking if we think our son would like an erection set for his 8th birthday. How do we let them know this is wrong without hurting their feelings? Horrified in Homosassa

Hey Horrified, I gotta tell ya sump'n before I answer yer question. The combination of your topic and your hometown reminds me of the song "Homo Erectus" by Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys. Matter of fact, I thought about titling this column Homo Erectus, but thought that might give folks the wrong idea.
Now, onto yer question. Sometimes I feel like you readers don't give me enough information. For instance, do you only have the one son? Did you ask what's in this erection set? Maybe the erection set is a buncha little blue pills for you because your in-laws want another grandchild. Maybe they're plannin' to send a birthday gift for junior and include the erection set for you. As for hurtin' their feelings, I think they'll understand if ya tell 'em that yer bedroom problems are none of their concern.

Dear Uncle Sal:, I'm sending my ma on a trip to visit her sister out west. What's a good, sturdy brand of trash bag that'll keep in the stink and the fluids and ain't gonna rupture in transit? Put Out in Ponchatouka

Yer put out? Boy, I'll tell ya what. Times like these I wish I'd never said I'd answer any question ya can give me. Now, the thing is, this ain't my strong suit so I sent a message to a guy I know called Guido Scallopini and this here is what he wrote, "Look here. Trash bags is fine if you live in a trailer. But for a job like this one, what you really want is an ice chest. I mean one of the old kind that you can fasten shut. But if you are really fixed on trash bags (like some kinda cementhead), them Husky yard bags is pretty good."
There ya have it, Put Out, and all the rest of ya readers. Call it a cop-out if ya want, but you'll get an answer to your question on topics ranging from bags to fishes.

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