Uncle Sal and the Alesmith Applicants (Episode 201)

At the summer solstice skinny dip, Uncle Sal filled his cup from the keg of Spud's while Alice did a cannonball into the pool and overturned someone who had been floating on an inflatable ring shaped like a giraffe. When his cup was full, Giacomo and his new girlfriend Jordana came to fill their cups. Uncle Sal thought that bringing Jordana to a skinny dip party might have been the smartest thing Giacomo ever did.

"Hey Uncle Sal! Great party, isn't it?"

"Beer, barbecue, music, skinny dippin'. I don't suppose you could ask for much more."

"Did you see the story about Spud's in the paper today?"

"No. My paperboy has gotten really good at throwing my newspaper on the roof."

Giacomo, Jordana, and Uncle Sal moved toward the grill where Uncle Sal used the tongs to heap a pile of sauerkraut on his Chicago dog.

"Spud's apparently is going to try some craft brews and they have two finalists for the job. One is Fergus Bass. He used to work at Strange Brews so he does a lot of exotic things with his beers. He's not afraid to add some herbs or spices to his beer that are pretty unusual beer ingredients. Remember that stout he did with the star anise?"

Uncle Sal watched as Alice and someone he didn't recognize batted a beach ball back and forth in the pool. "Yeah, that was a good one."

"The other candidate for the job is Howard Thames. He used to work at Kodiak Beers. He does a lot of English ales. He does some American styles too. He used to brew the Freddie brown ale at Kodiak. Among others."

"That Freddie brown was always a good beer. Hard to go wrong with one of those."

"Exactly. He makes really good beers, but he's a total traditionalist. He figures people have been making beers a certain way for hundreds of years, so he doesn't need to change anything."

"Mmm-hmm. It seems to me that if you're going to branch out into something like craft brews, you might as well do something people can't get anywhere else. I hope they're pickin' Bass and shakin' Thames."

This episode featured:
Marco Spitzer as Uncle Sal
Butterfly MacGowan as Alice
Kadeem Gainer as Giacomo
Ruby Diver as Jordana
and
Jellybean Merengue as the beach ball.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "She tried to sit in my lap while I was standing up."

Uncle Sal and the Tardy Tipplers (Episode 187)

Uncle Sal, Giacomo and Steve McCool parked the RV in the parking lot of the Grackles meeting hall, but didn't see anyone else who was supposed to join them in their trip to the beerfest at the brewery that was about 50 miles away.

Uncle Sal took a sip of rye from his UTSA flask and said, "Boy, I tell ya, I can't wait for this beerfest. I was reading about it and they're gonna have a whole tent for tasting scotch ales."

"Yeah. I read that there's going to be one beer made with macadamia nuts and chocolate. I can't say I've ever had a beer like that." Giacomo popped a piece of wintergreen gum in his mouth and started to chew."

"That does sound pretty good. Course as long as it's not some fizzy yellow beer, it sounds pretty good to me." Uncle Sal reached into the glove box, moved aside a 1973 road map of Pennsylvania, and removed a small bag of cheese crackers.

After 10 minutes, the others still hadn't arrived. "Who'd you say was gonna be drivin' us today?" Uncle Sal asked.

"Burt Van Rijn. Yeah, I mean, he doesn't drink so he's the perfect choice. All we had to do was pay for his ticket into the place."

"And who has the tickets?"

"Oh, Henry Jervis took care of all of that."

Uncle Sal took another sip of rye and said, "And he's bringing all the beer for the ride down, right? I mean, that's why we got the RV and the designated driver, right? So we could get warmed up before we even arrive at the beerfest."

"Yeah, Henry said he'd take care of the refreshments too."

Uncle Sal crumpled up the wrapper of the cheese crackers and said, "Well, I hope them guys get here soon. We'll look pretty silly sitting in the parking lot all day with no Burt, no booze, and no Jervis."

This episode featured:
Paul Anner as Uncle Sal
Porter von Lowenbrau as Giacomo
Phillippe Gueuze as Steve McCool
and
Jellybean Merengue as the map of Pennsylvania.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "I'm more afraid of tetanus shots than Dracula."

Uncle Sal and the Soused Southpaw (Episode 68)

Uncle Sal sat on the park bench next to Alice and opened the newspaper. He saw a story about the Wombats and began to read it aloud.

"Wouldja lookit that? The Wombats just signed Tank Loeb." Alice didn't look up from her romance novel. "Left-handed pitcher." Alice's interest still wasn't piqued. "You might think they call him Tank because he's a big, solid guy. Guy's no bigger than I am. If anything, he's probably skinnier."

Alice set her romance novel down on her lap and said, "Then why in the world do they call him Tank?"

"Guy is always drunk. You wouldn't know it to look at him. He holds his alcohol pretty good, especially for a guy his size. It all started one day when Tank shows up to the park and he's still drunk from the night before. Guy's gotta pitch against the division leader and he's still drunk. The manager, he didn't have any other pitcher to put out there, so he told Tank that he better sober up real quick. That wasn't the way Tank operated. He took a little hair of the dog, then he warmed up for the game."

Uncle Sal adjusted his Prussian blue cowboy hat and shooed a fly before continuing his story. "Wouldn'tcha know it? Tank was drunk as a monkey and pitching the best game of his life. Pitched a no-hitter that day. He figgers from then on, he better pitch while he was drunk. This is genius. He figgered out a way to put a little flask into one of the fingers of his glove. Then when he brought his glove up to his face, he'd take a little sip. He's been way better ever since."

"You mean..."

"Yep, the guy became a better player when he learned to keep a beer at the mound."

This episode featured:
Harry Hrudey as Uncle Sal
Ginger Frogg as Alice
and
Jellybean Merengue as the romance novel.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "It beats doin' stuff."