Uncle Sal and the Handcuffed House-Sitter (Episode 112)

Uncle Sal opened the door and saw Xavier Matuszak on his front step. He looked at his Ornery Octopus watch and said, "Tooz, you're right on time." When Tooz stepped inside, Uncle Sal said, "I really appreciate you house-sitting for me. I wouldn't want to miss the hot rod golf cart rally in Nevada. And you can't be too careful these days."

Tooz nodded as Uncle Sal started guiding him through the place. "I want you to feel free to use anything in the house, with some rules of course. Use the computer, but don't download anything onta my computer that's gonna get me in trouble. And I got the satellite television, so you wanna watch Canadian rodeo, or caber toss from Scotland, you can find it."

Sal led him through the rest of the house and finally came to the bar. Uncle Sal prepared two highballs and handed one to Tooz. "Now, you wanna have people over, that's fine. I got plenty of alcohol for 'em. Only thing I ask is that you replace any bottle ya empty. Seems only the gentlemanly thing to do, you know."

Tooz's attention was drawn to something across the room. He walked to it and said, "Is that what I think it is?"

"That's right. It's a Wade glockenspiel. The only glockenspiel made right here inna US of A. I just got it." Seeing the look in Tooz's eyes as he reached for the glockenspiel hammer, Uncle Sal said, "Oh no. You can drink my booze, have people over, and watch all the Canadian rodeo you want. You can do anything but stay offa my new Wade, Tooz."

This episode featured:
Mel A. Tonin as Uncle Sal
Jerry Garciaparra as Xavier "Tooz" Matuszak
and
Jellybean Merengue as the glockenspiel hammer.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Anywhere is in walking distance if you have the time."

Uncle Sal and the Hefty Host (Episode 83)

Uncle Sal and Alice walked into the library half of the Nouveau Nightclub. Uncle Sal straightened out his Cleveland Cavaliers Tree Rollins jersey and picked up the book Teach Yourself Glockenspiel in 7 Days.

"You're going to learn the glockenspiel?" Alice asked.

"I dunno. Maybe."

As he replaced the book on the shelf he looked at the nightclub, he saw a large man, shaped like a hill. The man was not only completely without a neck. He was so big, he had rolls on the top of his head.

"Holy huckleberries! Look at the size of that guy!"

"Sal, don't be so impolite."

"What's impolite? He's a big guy. That's just the truth. He reminds me of this guy Frank Ficarelli that hosts karaoke at this place Singland. Funny thing, he's a big fella, but he's got a voice like Frankie Lymon."

"You've been to Singland?"

Uncle Sal glanced at a calendar of buxom swimsuit models. "Yeah, Giacomo took me one time. It was pretty funny. There was this eastern European guy that sang I Will Survive. Giacomo tried to get me to sing sump'n by Rod Stewart. Dunno why. I didn't sing nothin'. Not enough alcohol inna bar to get me to sing in front of a buncha strangers. But it's fun to watch. I tell ya, a couple drinks and then watching these people who think they can sing. That's entertainment. Anywho...this guy Frank hosts the whole thing. He's built like three beer barrels, and I thought he was big. but this guy here, he's as round as the Frank of Singland.

This episode featured:
Eustace Flapp as Uncle Sal
Martina Mickleston as Alice
and
Jellybean Merengue as the glockenspiel book.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Don't order the schnitzel. They're using Schnauzer.