Uncle Sal and the Surprising Streaker (Episode 175)

In the Liberty Bull Steakhouse, Uncle Sal sat across from David Raabe. He had stopped Raabe's discussion of real estate long enough to order a leather Jack and an order of jalapeno poppers. As he gave his order to the waiter, Raabe's phone vibrated. He removed it, pushed the screen a couple times, then chuckled.

Uncle Sal shook some habanero sauce into his drink and said, "What's so funny?" He was hoping it wasn't another "funny" real estate story, although Raabe seemed incapable of talking about anything else.

"Someone just sent me a video from the Punch Bowl game that happened earlier today."

As much as Uncle Sal loved football, he couldn't stand some of the bowl games that featured two teams he didn't care about.

"There's this guy named Thanh Ho. Everyone calls him Thor. It's funny because he's such a tiny guy. I've done some business with him. Sold him some office space in Wichita. The guy makes a living buying and selling real estate. He's a real wizard. You'd never believe how much money the guy has made doing this."

Uncle Sal drained his drink and signaled for another one. He was tempted to instruct the waiter to leave the bottle at the table. The jalapeno poppers arrived and when Uncle Sal bit into one, a glob of cheese fell onto his The Wildebeests t-shirt.

"Thor is a big fan of football and he goes to every bowl game he can manage. Well, he and a bunch of friends went to the Punch Bowl and I guess the friends coaxed him into doing something outrageous. According to the message, they all chipped in, and I have to tell you how hilarious that is, because this guy needs money like a walrus needs pomade. Anyway, they all chipped in. By the end of the whole thing, these guys had pledged four grand if Ho would streak across the field at this bowl game. That's what this video is: Thanh Ho streaking across a football field. Oh, there a cop just missed him. Look at that spin move. He's amazing. You should watch this."

Uncle Sal answered, "No I shouldn't. When Thor Ho's bare, Raabe, I don't stare."

This episode featured:
Lars Striek as Uncle Sal
"Naturist" Ned Grimley as David Raabe
and
Jellybean Merengue as the glob of cheese.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "What else you got, Crockett and Tubby?"

Uncle Sal and the Irksome Investor (Episode 109)

Inside the Root Hog or Diner, Uncle Sal looked at his Grizzled Gopher watch as he slid into the booth across from his old classmate's son Quentin Rotter. He was right on time. He hadn't even gotten the seat warm when Quentin started talking about how his real estate holdings were doing. Uncle Sal held up his hand and said, "Yer gonna hafta hold yer horses on that. At least let me get a beverage in fronta me before ya start givin' me all that mess."

Quentin looked a little wounded, but Uncle Sal wasn't concerned. He picked up a menu and said, "Know what sounds good? A hot pastrami sammich and a Cajun martini."

Quentin moved the jar of relish to the edge of the table with the other condiments and said, "I've been looking at this new property, in Panama."

Uncle Sal just looked at the guy. He wondered why he had ever told Fergus that he would meet with this single-minded son of his. "Just meet with him. Maybe he can give you some tips on finding a vacation home," Fergus had told him. "You know who you remind me of? You remind me of this guy called David Raabe."

"Wait, did you say Ray-bee? Let me guess. R-A-A-B-E."

Uncle Sal glowered at the guy. That waitress couldn't bring him a Cajun martini quickly enough. "Yeah. Anyway, this guy Raabe is always talking about the money he makes from real estate. One time, he was talking to a friend of mine Ralph Butzen about how he had bought some house for a song and now it's worth triple what he paid for it. Only, he wasn't just talking. He was giving all kinda mathematical formulas about how we could do the same thing, if only we were willing to be just as boring as him. He even drew some charts and graphs on a cocktail napkin. Lemme tell ya, it didn't take long for Ralph to get tired of it. I think he has less patience for it than I do. After a few minutes, Ralph crumples the cocktail napkin, sticks it in his pocket. Then he grabs Raabe by the back of the shirt and leads him to the door. Raabe tries to protest, but Ralph just points to the door and doesn't say a word."

"Really? That's pretty rude. You mean he just..."

"That's right. He decided to show out the Raabe with the math, Rotter."

This episode featured:
"Vanilla" Rafer Cuyler as Uncle Sal
Bo Ringenberg as Quentin Potter
and
Jellybean Merengue as the jar of relish.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "You put on your black dress, and I'll go shave my tongue."