Sunday, September 6, 2009

Uncle Sal and the Irksome Investor (Episode 109)

Inside the Root Hog or Diner, Uncle Sal looked at his Grizzled Gopher watch as he slid into the booth across from his old classmate's son Quentin Rotter. He was right on time. He hadn't even gotten the seat warm when Quentin started talking about how his real estate holdings were doing. Uncle Sal held up his hand and said, "Yer gonna hafta hold yer horses on that. At least let me get a beverage in fronta me before ya start givin' me all that mess."

Quentin looked a little wounded, but Uncle Sal wasn't concerned. He picked up a menu and said, "Know what sounds good? A hot pastrami sammich and a Cajun martini."

Quentin moved the jar of relish to the edge of the table with the other condiments and said, "I've been looking at this new property, in Panama."

Uncle Sal just looked at the guy. He wondered why he had ever told Fergus that he would meet with this single-minded son of his. "Just meet with him. Maybe he can give you some tips on finding a vacation home," Fergus had told him. "You know who you remind me of? You remind me of this guy called David Raabe."

"Wait, did you say Ray-bee? Let me guess. R-A-A-B-E."

Uncle Sal glowered at the guy. That waitress couldn't bring him a Cajun martini quickly enough. "Yeah. Anyway, this guy Raabe is always talking about the money he makes from real estate. One time, he was talking to a friend of mine Ralph Butzen about how he had bought some house for a song and now it's worth triple what he paid for it. Only, he wasn't just talking. He was giving all kinda mathematical formulas about how we could do the same thing, if only we were willing to be just as boring as him. He even drew some charts and graphs on a cocktail napkin. Lemme tell ya, it didn't take long for Ralph to get tired of it. I think he has less patience for it than I do. After a few minutes, Ralph crumples the cocktail napkin, sticks it in his pocket. Then he grabs Raabe by the back of the shirt and leads him to the door. Raabe tries to protest, but Ralph just points to the door and doesn't say a word."

"Really? That's pretty rude. You mean he just..."

"That's right. He decided to show out the Raabe with the math, Rotter."

This episode featured:
"Vanilla" Rafer Cuyler as Uncle Sal
Bo Ringenberg as Quentin Potter
Jellybean Merengue as the jar of relish.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "You put on your black dress, and I'll go shave my tongue."

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