Uncle Sal and Disco Inferno (Episode 10)

Uncle Sal, in his purple paisley pajamas, walked into the 10 of Clubs and saw Giacomo counting the tips from his jar at the third annual Disco Inferno Bash.

"Giacomo, when ya gonna get your car fixed? I ain't about to come to this dump and get you at 2:30 every morning."

"It'll be fixed later today so you won't have to worry about picking me up anymore."

"I sure hope so. I oughta be in bed."

Giacomo reached down and said, "Look what someone lost tonight! Isn't it great?" Some water trickled from the heel as he placed a platform shoe on the bar.

"Jeez, it's hideous! And why is it dripping?"

"C'mon Uncle Sal. It was a disco inferno party. So someone wore platform shoes, and you know, you can put goldfish in them. I'm going to keep it."

Before Sal could ask why Giacomo wanted a platform shoe, a skinny barefoot woman with bleached blonde hair entered the bar. She wobbled toward Giacomo, then steadied herself against the edge of the bar. She pointed an accusing finger at Giacomo and said, "Your club is terrible! I'm never coming back here again."

"You're here now."

"Don't interrupt me, you booze-slinging slug. This club is absolutely awful. I was nearly molested by some twenty-one year old in a butter-colored leisure suit. Your drinks were watered down and frankly I find the smell of this place unsavory. Not to mention that you have something that belongs to me."

"I do?"

"That shoe is mine and I would like it back."

"I was going to use that shoe for a fishbowl. Anyway, how do I know it's yours?"

The woman reached for the shoe and slid her foot inside. She lifted her foot as high as she could manage and said, "Ta-daaaa!"

Uncle Sal said, "Well, what do you know about that? The leaky heel fits the beast."

This episode featured:
Artie Choke as Uncle Sal
Jim Shue as Giacomo
Minnie Mazola as the blonde woman
and
Jellybean Merengue as the tip jar

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Fourteen is my limit on schnitzengruben!"

[9 October 2007]

Uncle Sal and the Buxom Barmaid (Episode 131)

Giacomo climbed into Uncle Sal's Dodge Dart with a black travel cup that bore the word THROTTLE in a 36-point stencil font. He adjusted the black and white checkered floormat, then settled back in the seat.

"All set for the extreme curling event, Giacomo?"

"Yup." Giacomo took a sip and handed the cup to Uncle Sal, who took a whiff and said, "Giacomo, I can't drink that right now. I'm drivin'. You splash any orange juice in that rum?"

"A splash is about right."

Uncle Sal adjusted his garden gnome cuff links and said, "That's a fine cup. Where'dja get it? And what's Throttle?"

"Throttle is this band that fuses hard rock and country blues. I got the cup from a co-worker Antony at the 10 of Clubs. It's his favorite band. He wanted to change shifts with me his Wednesday shift for my Saturday. If I'm gonna give up a Saturday shift, I need something more than just a Wednesday, particularly since he works on Wednesdays with Mei Cho. She's this incredibly beautiful bartender. The kind that every guy looks at when she walks into a room. Partly because she has big breasts and wears very tight, low-cut tops"

"So what's the problem?"

"The problem is that she spends more time flirting with the customers than working. So it's kind of like working the bar by yourself."

"Yeah, but Wednesdays are probably pretty slow, and if the customers look at this barmaid like you say, I gotta think they'll tip pretty decently."

"Yeah, the few we get."

"Well, it sounds to me like ya got what ya wanted. Ya said he'd have to give up more than just a Wednesday shift and ya got the Throttle cup and Cho."

This episode featured:
Oscar "Blue" McGrew as Giacomo
John Lee Tucher as Uncle Sal
and
Jellybean Merengue as the floormat.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Looks like you won't be attending that hat convention in July."

(Thanks to John Lee Hooker for providing the inspiration for the final line of this episode.)