Sunday, February 8, 2009

Uncle Sal and the Stylish Stakes (Episode 79)

Uncle Sal picked a piece of lint off of his Oscar Gamble jersey, then removed the cherry from his Manhattan as he waited for Alice to deal the cards. He put the cherry in his mouth and said, "So, when is this big poker tournament you're playing in?"

"It's in a month, but I want to get in as much practice as I can before then. Playing online is good, but I want to be able to see faces when I play. And I'll tell you Uncle Sal, no one has a better poker face than you."

"Yeah, and I don't even need no chemicals to make my face expressionless. I ever tell ya about the time I cleaned a guy out playing poker? Guy by the name of Hank Hargin. This guy, he looked like a mountain. He was big all over, prolly six-foot-four, and had a thick Fu Manchu moustache. Fancied himself quite a poker player too. Well, one time I was playing against him and he figgered we should just give him our wallets before the game even started."

Uncle Sal sipped his Manhattan and said, "Well, the guy was a decent player, but he wasn't anything special. Woulda been a lot better if he didn't have such an obvious tell.
When he's bluffing, he scratches his little fingernail on the surface of the table. So, we play a few hands, and he loses every one of them. The night wears on, and I think he didn't win a hand all night. Finally, he gets to the point where he's putting in the last of his money. Figgers he's got the hand that's finally gonna get him on the winning side. He puts in the last of his money, which wasn't much by that point. Only problem is I matched him. He's got nothin' left to put in the pot, so I says to him, 'I'll letcha keep playin' if you put in that fancy vest you're wearin'.' This vest, I'm telin' ya, it looked like he was wearin' part of a buffalo hide. He agrees and puts his vest in the pot."

Giacomo looked at his cards and asked, "So what happened?"

"Just lookin' at him, I knew that what he had wasn't gonna beat me. I was sittin' on four sevens. He showed his cards. I showed mine, and when he saw 'em...boy was he sore. So, he got cleaned out, and I walked away with the vest of a mad Hargin."

This episode featured:
Stan Stubemaker as Uncle Sal
Roy L. Flusshe as Giacomo
Lakesha "Queenie" Hartz as Alice
Jellybean Merengue as the cherry.

Tune in next week, when Uncle Sal says, "What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law."

No comments: