Saturday, May 30, 2009

Uncle Sal and the Collared Connoisseur (Episode 95)

Inside A Cool Dry Place jazz club. Honeydew McMillan was on stage, setting out a plate of the fruit for which she was named. Uncle sal took a piece, ate it, then wiped his hands on his League of Fearsome Facial Hair bowling shirt before joining Joe at the bar.

"Say Joe, did you hear about the latest sting by the police?"

"No. What happened?"

"Well, it seems they were after this guy Rollie Hitchens as bein' some kinda organized crime figure."

The bartender came to the end of the bar and Uncle Sal ordered a shot of rye and a Spud's.

"I mean, they suspected this guy of all sorts of criminal behavior. They had all sorts of circumstantial evidence that suggested he was into gamblin', protection schemes, the whole nine." Uncle Sal took the shot of rye and felt the warmth spread through his chest as the flavor lingered on his tongue. "So they bug his place. Well, they hadda know that if the guy was really in organized crime, he wouldn't be stupid enough to say anything incriminatin' in his house or place of bidness. So that went bust."

On stage, Honeydew McMillan sang the first line of "Jelly Don't Shake Like That," and Uncle Sal continued. "But then the cops got a tip, right. Turns out there was a shipment of pinot noir coming in somewhere and Hitchens was planning to hijack the whole thing. Not just a case, or anything like that. They got this tip that the guy was going to hijack the entire shipment from the docks. So the cops set up a sting and they nabbed this guy trying to take the entire shipment of wine onto a truck. Here's the kicker though. He said he wasn't planning to sell it. He was gonna keep it for his own personal enjoyment."

Joe sipped his Moscow Mule and said, "You don't mean..."

"That's right. The cops were able to nab this guy because a Hitch in crime craves wine."

This episode featured:
Willie "Fathead" McConkey as Uncle Sal
Steven "Stinkeye" Gruffman as Joe
Wanda Blossom as Honeydew McMillan
Jellybean Merengue as the plate of honeydew.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "It's fourth and fifteen and you're facing a full-court press."

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