Saturday, January 23, 2010

Uncle Sal and the Mortified Mafioso (Episode 127)

Giacomo arrived at Wooden's Steakhouse with a busty girl with a Bettie Page haircut who wore only a yellow sleeveless gingham dress despite the cool temperatures of the evening. At the top of her left arm was a tattoo of a duck in a dress. Uncle Sal and Alice stood up as Giacomo introduced her. "This is Karina. She wrote the piece in the Picayune about the the cops taking down Geno Pignolia."

"Ain't that sump'n? I ever tell ya I'm connected to his old man Tony 'The Pine'?"

Karina raised her eyebrows and looked at Uncle Sal, then at Giacomo.

He brushed a mint wrapper off of his Hofstra sweater vest and said, "No. Not like that. But ain't no six degrees of separation between me and The Pine. This happened when I was working on the force. It was the night they found ol Tony's body in the alley behind that spaghetti joint. I tell ya, I never seen so many cops all gathered in one place when there wasn't free donuts. I guess a dead mafioso will do that. Well, someone's gotta draw a chalk outline around the body, right?"

The waitress came to the table. She appeared to wear the same bra size as Karina. All four put in their drink orders and Uncle Sal continued. "The guy that was supposed to do the outline was this big ol' Norweegie name-a Tor Braaten. Well, Tor wasn't the most dedicated worker, 'specially when it came to the end of his shift. Chief asked him to outline the body and Tor just starts wheedling. His feet hurt, like whose feet don't hurt at the end of a long shift. His in-laws were visiting and his wife had a roast waiting so he couldn't be late getting there. He come up with all kinda reasons why he wasn't the right man for the job. Well, the Chief hears all this, and he turns to me."

Karina leaned forward and said, "You don't mean..."

Uncle Sal smiled and said, "That's right. Because Tor whined, I chalked The Pine."

This episode featured:
"Flatfoot" Frankie Fedora as Uncle Sal
Teresa Copper as Alice
Luther Piggott as Giacomo
Luella Pfuzz as Karina
Jellybean Merengue as the duck tattoo.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "On your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness."

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