Saturday, January 16, 2010

Uncle Sal and the Mountain of Mutton (Episode 126)

Uncle Sal sat down at the table at his first Fraternal Order of Grackles meeting and tore into a garlic breadstick. He brushed a crumb off of his UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs sweater vest and said, "Thanks for inviting me, Giacomo."

Giacomo, the newest member of the Grackles said, "It's no problem. I figured you'd like it, especially on mutton night."

Uncle Sal speared a piece of mutton with his fork and slid it into his mouth. "It's good, but not as good as mine."

As he wiped his mouth with a Huey Long napkin, Uncle Sal noticed Xavier "Tooz" Matuszak at a nearby table. "Hey, it's the Tooz. I didn't know he was a member."

"He's not only a member. He's the holder of one of the greatest traditions of mutton night at the Grackles club. See, Tooz loves mutton more than anyone, even my ex-girlfriend, who was so disappointed to receive a turkey sandwich from you. Anyway, on mutton night, Tooz hosts the King-Size challenge. Members have the option of ordering the King Size plate, which is five pounds of mutton. If they can finish it in an hour, Tooz gives them ten bucks and a t-shirt he had made. If they can't finish, they bring him the leftovers, which he always finishes, and they donate ten bucks to Tooz's favorite charity. Thirty-seven guys have tried it and no one has finished the King Size platter. Now, for the last month, Cheeto Needham has been practicing. He swears he's going to be the first one to take down the King Size challenge. Here comes his plate now."

The King Size plate was placed in front of Cheeto and he tore into the pile of mutton. After 30 minutes, he was nearly half finished with the mutton. It looked like he would be the one to defeat the challenge. But as the last half hour waned away, so did Cheeto's enthusiasm for finishing. By the time the hour was up, Cheeto still had almost a pound of meat on his plate.

The bell sounded and the emcee said, "It was a valiant effort, Cheeto, but it looks like the mutton wins again."

Uncle Sal wiped his plate with a roll and said, "He sure gave it the old college try, but Needham's just another bird with mutton left for Tooz."

This episode featured:
Valeriy Lamb as Uncle Sal
Chuck "Woolly" Bulley as Giacomo
Ellington Barnes III as Cheeto Needham
Morrison Chatman as the emcee
Jellybean Merengue as the Huey Long napkin.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."

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