Saturday, March 20, 2010

Uncle Sal and the Frustrated Fraulein (Episode 135)

Uncle Sal and Giacomo stumbled into Giacomo's place after a prolific bout of drinking at a St. Patrick's Day happy hour. Giacomo's girlfriend Brigitte was waiting by the door with her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed. She wore an orange polka-dot crop top that was probably two sizes too small and a piece of denim that could have been called a skirt if it were three inches longer.

"What took you guys so long? You've been gone for two and a half hours."

"Baby, it's St. Paddy's Day."

"Ja, and vat's that mean to me? You said you vould come home and prepare some Irish feast for us."

Uncle Sal removed his blue balmoral hat with the green checkered band and sat down on the couch.

"And I will," Giacomo said.

"Ja, almost two hours later than you said you vould."

"We ran into some guys from the Grackles. They bought us a round. We bought them a round. And so it goes, y'know. Oh, and I kind of volunteered you to make a batch of your chokolatballe for the next event."

"Ja, OK. How many guys vill be there?"

"Ummm...three hundred or so."

"Three hundred? You volunteered me to make my Nussbaumchokolatballe for three hundred drunken men in funny hats? Do you have any idea how long it takes to make just a couple dozen? Und you vant me to make enough for your whole silly club?"

"Baby, you're beautiful when you're angry."

"Stuff it in a pepper. I cannot believe you vould make such an offer. Vat makes you think I vant to something like zis for your club? Zis is a terrible imposition on my time. Especially, since I vas promised a big meal and at ze moment, my stomach is empty."

Brigitte said a lot of things that neither Giacomo nor Uncle Sal understood. Even though he didn't know the words, Uncle Sal knew the tone. Giacomo was being cursed out in a language he didn't even understand. With his eyes closed and his head resting on the couch cushions, Uncle Sal said, "He ain't even told ya the best part. The event is Friday. That means you have two days to make these magical chocolate balls Giacomo has told us all about. Looks like yer gonna need to bake up, little floozie."

This episode featured:
Everson Everly as Uncle Sal
Friedrich "Free" Byrd as Giacomo
Louisa Braun as Brigitte
Jellybean Merengue as the crop top.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Maybe that's what hell is: eternity spent in Weehawken."

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