Saturday, January 1, 2011

Uncle Sal and the Freaky Film (Episode 176)

Inside Rock Around the Cocktails, Giacomo and his new girlfriend Rufaro slid into a booth across from Uncle Sal and Alice. Rufaro wore a magenta crop top and pants so tight that Uncle Sal and Alice wondered if she was getting any circulation to her ankles. Uncle Sal sipped his Dobble Haddock and said, "How ya been Giacomo? Ain't seen ya in a couple weeks."

"I've been pretty well. Rufaro and I just saw the new movie by Elvis Hurd."

"How was it?"

"It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen." The waitress came to the table and Giacomo ordered two snakebites. "I mean, you wouldn't believe this movie. The main character is a blind dwarf detective who is trying to take down a cockfighting ring. His assistant is a guy who is probably six-four, 220, and likes to wear a tutu. He also gets help from a call girl with an eyepatch and a luchador."

Uncle Sal put a chip into the bowl of artichoke dip and grimaced when some fell onto his maroon guayabera shirt.

"Well, this detective doesn't really have any evidence of this cockfighting ring. Somehow, it all comes tom him in mescal-induced hallucinations. And the recurring guide in his hallucinations is a philosophical ocelot."

Rufaro wiped her lipstick off with a cocktail napkin and sipped her snakebite. "And then about halfway through the movie, it becomes this zombie story. It's like a totally different movie."

"Oh, and the zombies have a taste for human chitlins. I mean, they don't just go for the intestines first, they actually make chitlins out of human intestines. I'm telling you, it was two hours of pure confusion. I had never seen one of his movies before and I don't think I'll see any more of them. Weird stuff."

Uncle Sal said, "I'm not sure why you're surprised. Everybody knows that the Hurd is absurd."

This episode featured:
Screamin' Octopus Hawkins as Giacomo
Strangella LaFork as Rufaro
Obelix Platypusconi as Uncle Sal
Lucinda L'odd as Alice
Jellybean Merengue as the bowl of artichoke dip.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever."

No comments: