Uncle Sal and the Sasquatch Sighting (Episode 37)

Uncle Sal walked into the barber shop and hung his copper bowler hat on the hat rack by the door. He had just settled into the barber chair with the apron fastened around his neck when his old friend Clyde MacDowell walked in.

"What are you grinnin' about, Clyde?"

"You know that guy, Vic Gaspard?"

"Sure, I know him. We go way back," Sal replied.

"Well, I just ran into his son Bobby and you're never gonna believe what happened. Seems the young Gaspard was out hiking one day and he came across a Sasquatch."

"Aw, what a buncha baloney! Ain't no such thing as a Sasquatch."

"Yeah, that's what Bobby Gaspard used to think. Like I said, he was out hiking, and he stopped for a minute to eat one of them energy bars. You know the things kinda like chewing on a used tire, but they're supposed to be really good for you? Well, as he's sitting there eating the energy bar, the Sasquatch just came up and asked him if he had an extra energy bar. Well, you can imagine Gaspard's surprise. Here he's out walking and not only does he find a Sasquatch, he finds one that speaks to him. In English."

Uncle Sal waved his hand, dismissing Clyde's story.

"Hear me out, Sal. I ain't got to the best part yet. Well, that ol' Sasquatch didn't even bother to take the wrapper off the energy bar. He just shoved the thing in his mouth and walked away."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"See it you can my, old friend, next time you run into Bobby Gaspard. He showed me the picture on his cell phone."

Uncle Sal merely chuckled. "Boy, did he pull one over on you. I met kids less gullible than you."

"What are you saying? You don't believe me even though I saw the picture with my own eyes?"

"I ain't saying I don't believe you. I'm saying I don't believe Bobby Gaspard. Why, his old man once told me he found a mermaid in the community pool. If he's anything like his daddy, then he's got a gift for fiction."

"So you don't believe anything I just told you?"

"No, course I don't. First off, ain't no such thing as Sasquatch. But more than that, Bobby's all bull and a Gaspard, Clyde."

This episode featured
Odell Funk as Uncle Sal
Roscoe Horn as Clyde MacDowell
and
Jellybean Merengue as the apron.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Right in the lumberyard."

[22 April 2008]

Uncle Sal's New 'Do (Episode 2)

Uncle Sal stepped into his favorite watering hole, The Crow Bar, and saw his favorite bartender putting away some glasses. She saw him and said, "Look who it is!"

He did a little two-step in the doorway and said, "Kelly, I feel like a hunnerd and twenny-two dollars."

"What on earth are you wearing? Did you just graduate?"

Uncle Sal smoothed his mauve robe, strolled to the bar and sat down on his favorite stool. "Never you mind what I'm wearing. Hows about pourin' me a nice cold Spud's and tellin' me whatcha been up to."

"Y'know, Sal, you're the only one drinks this Spud's anymore. I reckon you're the only reason we even bother keeping it on tap. Why don't you try sump'n else for a change?"

"I don't want nuttin else. I want a Spud's. It ain't done me wrong so far. Besides, it's the beer that made Coeur d'Alene famous."

Kelly turned and set the beer in front of Uncle Sal. "Well, you may feel like a hundred and twenty-two dollars, but you look like more'n that. You just come from Phil's?"

Uncle Sal ran his hand over his freshly cut hair and said, "Yeah, I come from Phil's all right. Only Phil wasn't there. He's on vacation somewhere and he left Geno in charge. Boy, lemme tell ya, I never seen Geno so worked up. I walked in and he was talkin' about how the Wombats just traded Harry Foofaraw. How could the Wombats trade away their best player for a sack of balls and a few used batting helmets, he says. And how could the team expect people to pay good money for a buncha no-talent humps? He went on and on, waving those scissors around like he was in a swordfight in one-a them old movies. The entire time I was in the chair, Geno was carryin' on about gettin' rid of Foofaraw. Then he said the same thing all Wombats fans say, that he ain't gonna support the team no more. To think that someone can get so worked up about some crummy baseball team."

As Uncle Sal took a sip of his beer, Kelly leaned forward and touched just above his right ear. "What happened here?"

"Oh, that's another thing. Phil, you know, he gives the best haircut in town. But today with Geno, I get a rave, a square cut and two nicks."

This episode featured:
Roscoe Hooper as Uncle Sal
Amanda Hugginkiss as Kelly
and
Jellybean Merengue as the barstool

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers!"

[14 August 2007]