Uncle Sal stepped into his favorite watering hole, The Crow Bar, and saw his favorite bartender putting away some glasses. She saw him and said, "Look who it is!"
He did a little two-step in the doorway and said, "Kelly, I feel like a hunnerd and twenny-two dollars."
"What on earth are you wearing? Did you just graduate?"
Uncle Sal smoothed his mauve robe, strolled to the bar and sat down on his favorite stool. "Never you mind what I'm wearing. Hows about pourin' me a nice cold Spud's and tellin' me whatcha been up to."
"Y'know, Sal, you're the only one drinks this Spud's anymore. I reckon you're the only reason we even bother keeping it on tap. Why don't you try sump'n else for a change?"
"I don't want nuttin else. I want a Spud's. It ain't done me wrong so far. Besides, it's the beer that made Coeur d'Alene famous."
Kelly turned and set the beer in front of Uncle Sal. "Well, you may feel like a hundred and twenty-two dollars, but you look like more'n that. You just come from Phil's?"
Uncle Sal ran his hand over his freshly cut hair and said, "Yeah, I come from Phil's all right. Only Phil wasn't there. He's on vacation somewhere and he left Geno in charge. Boy, lemme tell ya, I never seen Geno so worked up. I walked in and he was talkin' about how the Wombats just traded Harry Foofaraw. How could the Wombats trade away their best player for a sack of balls and a few used batting helmets, he says. And how could the team expect people to pay good money for a buncha no-talent humps? He went on and on, waving those scissors around like he was in a swordfight in one-a them old movies. The entire time I was in the chair, Geno was carryin' on about gettin' rid of Foofaraw. Then he said the same thing all Wombats fans say, that he ain't gonna support the team no more. To think that someone can get so worked up about some crummy baseball team."
As Uncle Sal took a sip of his beer, Kelly leaned forward and touched just above his right ear. "What happened here?"
"Oh, that's another thing. Phil, you know, he gives the best haircut in town. But today with Geno, I get a rave, a square cut and two nicks."
This episode featured:
Roscoe Hooper as Uncle Sal
Amanda Hugginkiss as Kelly
Jellybean Merengue as the barstool
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers!"
[14 August 2007]