Saturday, July 9, 2011

Uncle Sal and the Ejected Ecclesiastic (Episode 203)

Uncle Sal removed his Skoal Bandits trucker cap as he entered I Pity the Pho for lunch with Sister Mary Evelyn. He saw the booth where she was seated and slid in across from her. He quickly ordered a 33 beer and a shot of Son Tinh. Mary Evelyn as always looked a little frazzled.

"Whatsa matter, sis?"

She sighed and said, "It's another shakeup at the church."

Uncle Sal moved a bottle of fish sauce to the side of the table and prepared for what he assumed would be a long story.

"You know Father Mackenzie was the priest. And he was really good. Everybody loved him. Well, almost everyone." Without even realizing she was doing it, Mary Evelyn turned her rosary in her hands. The Kohrs, Bill and Ethel, they felt like Father Mackenzie was getting a little too liberal. He had a Democrat's bumper sticker on his car and actually hinted in his sermons that maybe Americans are a little too uptight about things like marijuana. His example was a devoted churchgoer who needs medical marijuana. I believe his quote was, 'How can something be bad if it helps a righteous person?'"

Uncle Sal nodded as the drinks were set in front of him. He poured the 33 into a glass and took a long sip, leaving some foam on his lip.

"That was pretty much the last straw for him. The Kohrs give a lot of money to the church and they lobbied the parishioners and the diocese to find another place for Father Mackenzie. So the diocese did just that. And they brought in this Father Olczyk. He's a terribly nice man. He's the kind of guy that if you have a flat tire, he'll stop and help you change it. Or give you part of his lunch if you don't have enough money to buy your own."

"Sounds like a pretty good guy."

"He is. The thing is, he's just very boring. They wanted someone conservative and that's what they got. His sermons are...I'll just say it's not easy to stay awake. I don't know if it's his mellow tone of voice or his topics, but he has a hard time holding my interest. Father Mackenzie's politics didn't bother me. I wish we had him back."

"I can see that. Too bad the church chose the darn bore after the Kohrs revolted."

This episode featured:
Boniface McGee as Uncle Sal
Theodora Romana as Sister Mary Evelyn
Jellybean Merengue as the rosary.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "People on 'ludes should not drive."

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