Sunday, August 3, 2008

Uncle Sal and the Poultry Projectile (Episode 52)

Uncle Sal and John arrived at Giacomo's place for their guys night out at the Wombats doubleheader and whatever followed. Giacomo laughed when he opened the door and saw Uncle Sal wearing a black stovepipe hat with the Wombats logo on it. He patted his pockets and felt that he had everything he needed: keys, wallet, flask. "Let's go."

"It's just you? I thought you were bringing a friend."

"I thought so too," Giacomo answered. "Turns out today is the first day of grouse season and he wouldn't miss it for the world."

They walked to the Dodge Dart and Uncle Sal said, "I ain't much on grouse myself. They're a little gamy and you can't get much meat offa them. I know a guy, Garth Ormbostad, who is crazy about grouse. Has a two-foot-tall statue of a grouse, made of brass, right by his front door. First thing you see when you walk into his house. Course his wife hates it, but he polishes that thing like it's an Oscar. The thing is absolutely his pride and joy. Or was.

One time, Garth invited a buncha us over for a card game. One of the guys brought a friend called Vince Jones. Big moose of a guy. Well, Garth welcomes him in and says, 'What can I get you to drink, bro?' This moose just scowls at Garth. 'What did you say?' Garth repeats himself, 'What can I get you to drink, bro?'

Well, this guy Vince takes the statue by the door and he just heaves it out the open door. Wouldn't you know it? A moving truck comes by just as that statue's above the street. It bounces off the grill of the truck and onto the curb where it ends up all dented and mangled."

Giacomo looked at Uncle Sal with wide eyes. "Are you serious? He did that?"

"Course I'm serious. I saw it with my own two eyes. Just goes to show you. People who live with brass grouses shouldn't 'bro' Jones."

[Editor's note: We realize that the preferred plural of grouse is, in fact, grouse. However, the author decided it was "funnier in context" if he used the less preferred, and therefore less correct plural grouses. He didn't find it quite as funny when he was given 30 lashes with an al dente piece of linguine.]

This episode featured:
Walter Mellon as Uncle Sal
Warren Pease as John
Lester Blue as Giacomo
Jellybean Merengue as the flask.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking."

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