Uncle Sal and the Misjudged Marlboro Man (Episode 51)

Giacomo arrived to take Uncle Sal to the dachshund races and as soon as he was in the car, Uncle Sal removed his sandalwood stovepipe hat and said, "What on earth is going on with that Cementhead Mitchell? I read inna paper that the Hill family wants to charge him with public indecency."

"It's totally bogus, that's what it is."

"It don't sound bogus from what they said inna newspaper."

"Well, when have you ever known the newspaper to give the real story? Cementhead told me all about it himself the other night at our bowling league."

Uncle Sal removed a packet of oyster crackers from the inside pocket of his Members Only jacket and offered one to Giacomo, who declined and continued his story. "See, Cementhead did the same thing he does every morning. He made some coffee and then took the cup of coffee out on the patio. He was in his boxers because he had just woken up, and because from what he's told me, he doesn't normally wear anything more than that around the house." Giacomo guided his car onto the freeway and said, "So there's Cementhead in his boxers on the patio, having his first cup of coffee and smoke of the day. And he did what a lot of guys do when they first wake up. With a cigarette in his mouth, he stretched and then he scratched himself."

"Scratched himself, is that all?"

"Yeah, that's all. Apparently the Hills are really conservative folks and the twelve-year-old girl Jill just happened to see Cementhead scratching himself. She told her parents and then her parents called the cops. All because Cementhead was having a smoke and scratching himself on his own patio. Like he's the first guy that's ever done that. OK, so maybe he could have been more discreet about it, but..."

"Sure, it's no big deal to most people with half a brain, but it's lewd to the Hills."

This episode featured:
Fred "Grizzly" Adamawiecz as Giacomo
Todd Recene as Uncle Sal
and
Jellybean Merengue as the packet of oyster crackers.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Get a U-Haul full of souvenirs."