Sunday, November 9, 2008

Uncle Sal and the Vulgar Valet (Episode 66)

Uncle Sal parked the Dodge Dart in the lot of Murray's Meat Market. He put on his viridian cowboy hat and said to Giacomo, "I tell ya, this place is the best. Only place in town that sells venison. We're gonna eat good tonight."

They entered the market and Uncle Sal selected a cart. He needed to push it only a couple feet before he realized that one wheel was broken. "Dang carts always got a busted wheel." He put back the broken one and took another cart. "I ain't had venison in so long. I can almost taste it already. Last time I had venison I got it from this guy Louie Baracas. He was one of them personal assistants, I guess you could call him a valet, of some rich guy. He musta made good money doin' it. I can't imagine why else somebody would be a personal assistant."

A woman was handing out samples of andouille and Uncle Sal took one as he went by. "This guy Louie, he cussed more than anyone I ever met. Not only that, he would say whatever rude thing came to his mind. Like he had no ability to stop himself. Well, I run into him here and he gets the last package of venison. I was next in line too. So I tries talkin' to him, seeing if he can be persuaded to sell me the package of venison he just bought. Well, he starts cussin' a blue streak at me. Doesn't even care that there's women and kids around. I tell him I'm having some folks over and would really like that package of venison he got. Told him exactly what I was gonna serve it with too."

Uncle Sal put some braunschweiger in his cart and continued. "So, I'm doing everythin' I can think of to get that last package of venison. He ain't sellin' because he don't wanna upset his boss. Finally, I says to him, 'Your boss smoke cigars?' He tells me yeah. I say, 'I'll give ya twice what ya paid for it, and a Marie Antoinette cigar cutter for yer boss.' He thought about it a long time." Uncle Sal looked at the meat case for the andouille sausage he had been given at the front of the store.

Giacomo stood waiting for the end of the story. "So, what happened with Louie?"

"Well, let's just say I was able to talk the deer off a crass flunkie."

This episode featured:
Dewey Duke as Uncle Sal
Buford Church as Giacomo
Jellybean Merengue as the broken shopping cart wheel.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Where are all the phaser guns?"

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