Check out my interview with the one and only Mojo Nixon

I have been a fan of Mojo Nixon for a long time. He is truly one of my favorite musicians. Recently, I had the opportunity to interview Mojo for Examiner. It was truly the highlight of my professional life so far. It is a lengthy interview, but he gave a lot of great quotes. This ranks as one of my favorite interviews. Check it out.

Uncle Sal and the Alesmith Applicants (Episode 201)

At the summer solstice skinny dip, Uncle Sal filled his cup from the keg of Spud's while Alice did a cannonball into the pool and overturned someone who had been floating on an inflatable ring shaped like a giraffe. When his cup was full, Giacomo and his new girlfriend Jordana came to fill their cups. Uncle Sal thought that bringing Jordana to a skinny dip party might have been the smartest thing Giacomo ever did.

"Hey Uncle Sal! Great party, isn't it?"

"Beer, barbecue, music, skinny dippin'. I don't suppose you could ask for much more."

"Did you see the story about Spud's in the paper today?"

"No. My paperboy has gotten really good at throwing my newspaper on the roof."

Giacomo, Jordana, and Uncle Sal moved toward the grill where Uncle Sal used the tongs to heap a pile of sauerkraut on his Chicago dog.

"Spud's apparently is going to try some craft brews and they have two finalists for the job. One is Fergus Bass. He used to work at Strange Brews so he does a lot of exotic things with his beers. He's not afraid to add some herbs or spices to his beer that are pretty unusual beer ingredients. Remember that stout he did with the star anise?"

Uncle Sal watched as Alice and someone he didn't recognize batted a beach ball back and forth in the pool. "Yeah, that was a good one."

"The other candidate for the job is Howard Thames. He used to work at Kodiak Beers. He does a lot of English ales. He does some American styles too. He used to brew the Freddie brown ale at Kodiak. Among others."

"That Freddie brown was always a good beer. Hard to go wrong with one of those."

"Exactly. He makes really good beers, but he's a total traditionalist. He figures people have been making beers a certain way for hundreds of years, so he doesn't need to change anything."

"Mmm-hmm. It seems to me that if you're going to branch out into something like craft brews, you might as well do something people can't get anywhere else. I hope they're pickin' Bass and shakin' Thames."

This episode featured:
Marco Spitzer as Uncle Sal
Butterfly MacGowan as Alice
Kadeem Gainer as Giacomo
Ruby Diver as Jordana
and
Jellybean Merengue as the beach ball.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "She tried to sit in my lap while I was standing up."

Uncle Sal and the Extraordinary Evening (Episode 200)

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" A little person dressed in a yellow and red Velcro suit screamed as he flew toward the mat covered with Velcro. The crowd cheered when he stuck to the wall about six feet off the ground.

"Sure was a good idea to come to this midget toss, Giacomo." Uncle Sal adjusted his Danville Braves trucker hat and took a long drink of Spud's from a red plastic cup promoting the fifth annual midget toss and crawfish boil.

"Yeah, this is always a good event."

The emcee announced the next contestant and a tall, dark-skinned man with a long ponytail stepped up to take his turn throwing a midget.

"Look at the size of that guy. He must be six-nine, two-fifty. And it's a bold man that can go around wearing only a loincloth."

"I know that guy. That's Crowfoot. He's 100 percent Cree Indian. I went to see my friend's band the other night. You met her. She's in Fun Buster and the Wet Blankets. Anyway, Crowfoot's band The Potato Chippewas was the headliner. Didn't know anything about the band but it mixes traditional Indian music with hardcore punk." Giacomo threw a pistachio shell on the ground. "So he says the band is going to do a cover song and asks if anyone in the audience knows the words to 'How Can I Say I Love You (with a Shotgun in my Mouth?' I was the only one that raised my hand, and he invited me on stage to come and sing it."

"That's something you won't forget easily."

"Yeah, and that's not all. Crowfoot's got this bassist in his band who just calls himself The Dave. He's written a book called The Punk Manifesto. He announced that he was going to give away a copy to anyone who could answer a trivia question that I happened to know. So there I am just supporting a friend's band..."

"And you end up with the band of the Cree and the tome of The Dave."

This episode featured:
Furley Banner as Uncle Sal
Gerhard Flagg as Giacomo
Jose Canusee as Crowfoot
Early Light as the midget
and
Jellybean Merengue as the loincloth.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Report back to me when it makes sense."

Uncle Sal and the Pressured Paramour (Episode 199)

Uncle Sal and Giacomo were joined in The Crow Bar by Julius Hudderslee. Uncle Sal removed his Descendents trucker cap from the stool next to him to make room for Julius.

"Why the long face, Jules?"

Julius ordered a white russian and said, "I gotta go to marriage class at St. Hedwig's."

Uncle Sal winced. "Well, no one says ya gotta go."

"Abbie does. It's the craziest thing. Abbie hasn't been to a Catholic church since she was old enough to decide she didn't want to go, but her mom is insisting we go to these marriage workshops because she wants to make sure we do things right. She's even going to sit in on the classes with us." Julius removed his glass from a Crazy Train coaster and took a long drink from his white Russian. "It's every Saturday for two months. This is the first one. Can you imagine? And you know what's the worst part? The classes are taught by a nun. A nun! What does a nun know about marriage?"

Uncle Sal shook his head and noticed an extra-large red thong hanging from the rafters of the bar. "Ya oughta come with us to the bikini mud run. Everyone who enters, even the guys, has to wear a bikini. And they serve pretty good beer there too."

"Don't tempt me. Besides, if I was about to do something fun, Abbie would probably sense it and find some way to put an end to it."

Uncle Sal popped a peanut butter pretzel into his mouth. "Look, Jules. Ya said this class goes on for two months, right? What happens if you skip one of them? I mean, it ain't like she's gonna call off the wedding, right? Besides, what's gonna be more memorable? A bikini mud run or some stuffy marriage class?"

"Well, there's no doubt the bikini mud run would be more fun and memorable, but...I'm gonna have to hear it from Abbie if I skip the first class."

"You only live once."

Jules knitted his brow and said, "I shouldn't."

"You don't want to go to that class. Why not do something you want to do?"

Jules remained tight-lipped.

"Three words: bikini mud run. Go on, shake the honey and nun."

This episode featured:
Steve Millevich as Uncle Sal
Mack Eagleton as Giacomo
Abney K. Dabra as Julius Hudderslee
and
Jellybean Merengue as the extra-large red thong.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "If I had known it was going to be this kind of party I would have worn underwear."

Uncle Sal and the Brilliant Bootlegger (Episode 198)

Uncle Sal entered the wine cellar of his friend Brit Blessington and removed his Levi's trucker cap. "Heckuva setup ya got here. I never seen so much wine outside of a restaurant."

"I've been collecting for years. It's a labor of love. Here, try this." Brit opened a bottle of pinot noir and gave Uncle Sal the cork to smell. He then poured a splash into a glass and handed it to Uncle Sal.

Uncle Sal smelled the wine because he knew that's what he was supposed to do, but he didn't know exactly what he was supposed to smell. He sipped it and said, "That's pretty good. Smooth."

"That's from Slovakia."

The host led Uncle Sal through rows of bottles of reds, whites, and some wines that Uncle Sal had never heard of and couldn't pronounce. Finally, they came to a cask marked with three big black Xs.

"What's that one? Is that the strongest one in your collection?"

"No, that's for a very special customer. You know Nigel Colcroft?"

"Colcroft? Isn't he the guy that got sent away for embezzlement?"

"Exactly. And what do you think is the thing prisoners request most often, especially in a white collar prison? Aside from a willing female partner." Without waiting for Uncle Sal, he said, "Alcohol. These guys have been put away and they never get any alcohol to drink. So Nigel and I came up with a plan. Whatever is left at the end of a bottle, I pour it in here. When this is full, I get the wine to the prison. He sells this stuff to the other guys in the prison for whatever currency they use. He of course will pay me when he gets out in a couple years."

"You mean to tell me this guy is selling leftover wine to prisoners?"

"Absolutely. They don't care as long as it's alcoholic. It's the best they're going to get until they're out."

"Pretty clever. Who would have ever thought you could make a business just by putting all your dregs in one cask, Britt."

This episode featured:
Ed Riesling as Uncle Sal
Heinrich Gewurtztraminer as Brit Blessington
and
Jellybean Merengue as the cork.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "We ain't heroes. We're businessmen."