Uncle Sal and the Statistical Savants (Episode 167)

Giacomo and climbed into Uncle Sal's Dodge Dart and closed the door. Uncle Sal brushed the cigar ash from his Hawaii Mud Bombers t-shirt and put his hand on the 8-ball gearshift and said "Hey Giacomo. I thought you were bringing a friend with you. That guy tried to pitch for the Wombats."

"Terry Prattle. He was supposed to come with us, but he's got something else going on."

"Something more interesting than watching folks try to carve a pumpkin underwater?"

He's one of the Seamheads."

"Seamheads? Them guys that sit at The Corny Toad hunched over their laptops and obsessing over baseball statistics?"

"Yeah, those are the guys. Every since Terry blew out his elbow trying to make the Wombats roster, he's gotten into that. You know, he figures since he can't play anymore, at least he can still follow the game."

Yeah, but what the heck they do that for? They compiling a dictionary of statistics or sump'n like that?"

"They do it for a couple reasons." Giacomo picked a brochure about the underwater pumpkin carving event off of the floor mat and looked it over. "One, they want to put together the best fantasy baseball team they can. They figure the best way to do that is to break it down statistically. The other reason they do it is that they actually send these oddball statistics to Garret Gemora and other play-by-play guys. With the championship series going on now, these guys would like nothing more than to have their statistics read on a national broadcast. I guess Terry doesn't do much of anything else when baseball season is going on. It's too bad, because he was really fun to be around before."

"And now he's just another dork in the Toad."

This episode featured:
Frankie Figures as Uncle Sal
Deron Digitz as Giacomo
and
Jellybean Merengue as the floor mat.

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Chess is as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you can find outside an advertising agency."