At Uncle Sal's annual Festivus bash, Giacomo used tongs to tend to the pieces of rabbit on the barbecue. "Hey, great bash, Uncle Sal."
"Yeah, everyone seems to be having a good time. Uncle Sal reached into his Horned Frogs sweater vest and removed a flask from his shirt pocket.
"And why wouldn't they? I mean, how many times to people get to be in a limbo contest on a twenty-degree November night? Plus, how do you beat night croquet? It's pretty sweet."
Giacomo turned over some of the rabbit meat and said, "I'll tell you one thing. No one is having a better time than that guy." He pointed to Warren Roses. "See that woman he's with? Her name's Kendra Dryer."
Uncle Sal looked at the woman with dark hair and blue eyes who wore a wool jacket, and a Lake Erie Monsters ski cap, and a miniskirt. "Boy she sure is easy on the eyes."
"And that's not all. Warren just moved in with her. She cooks like you wouldn't believe. She cracks open a beer for him when he gets home from work. She likes to go out and hear new bands. And she loves football. I'm not kidding you, she knows more about football than he does."
Giacomo sipped his beer and said, "Yeah, it's even sweeter when you know the woman he used to live with: Alicia Tan. She's nice looking, but she never liked to go out. She didn't cook. And she cried all the time, and not just when Warren did something stupid. She cried over commercials, television shows, movies, greeting cards. Poor Warren never knew what to do when she cried either. I mean, she would just cry for anything and she would always tell him how insensitive he was because he never cried with her, or comforted her."
Uncle Sal took a long pull from his flask and said, "Sounds like a pretty good deal to me. He's moved out of the crying Tan's and into the Dryer's."
This episode featured:
Angus "Beef" Wellington as Giacomo
Malcolm Veale as Uncle Sal
Russ von Trapp as Warren
Delilah Lamb as Kendra
Jellybean Merengue as the miniskirt.
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "I'm muzzled by army brass."