Uncle Sal and the Kiwis (Episode 16)

Uncle Sal pulled the watch from the pocket of his tangerine leisure suit and looked at the time. He showed the face of it to Giacomo's new girlfriend Shauna. "I got this here watch in New Zealand twenty-five years ago. Still works like a charm. Ever been to New Zealand?"

Without waiting for an answer, Uncle Sal continued. "I had just gotten outta the army and I wasn't quite ready to be tied down to a job or a family. Still ain't, come to think of it. Anyway, I went there with this frienda mine, Crazy Chet. Heck, I coulda suggested goin' to Siberia and Crazy Chet woulda gone along. He wasn't too fond of work neither. But he liked drinking."

Giacomo settled back into the couch, signaling to Shauna that the story could last a while.

"Well, one night we went out into the local tavern and we tied one on. I don't ever remember when I drank so much in my life. We met some locals there and they bought a round for us. We returned the favor, and round and round we went until we was all pretty well stewed. That ol' bartender made last call. They talk funny over there, but no matter where in the world ya go, last call always sounds the same.

Shauna twirled her auburn hair around her finger and anticipated the end of the story.

"We left that pub, and I mean to tell you, we didn't know which way was up, let alone which way was our hotel. Crazy Chet started wanderin' up the road, and me, I just followed him. That ol' boy kinda stumbled off the road into some grass. He musta thought it was his bed, because he just lay down and started to sleep. I tried to wake him up, but I couldn't wake him up if I blew an airhorn right in his ear. Well, before I lay down myself, I saw sumpin shiny next to him. It was his watch, this watch, had fallen outta his pocket."

"Uncle Sal, you stole Crazy Chet's watch?"

"Stole it? I rescued it from being lost forever in that grass. I slid the watch into my pocket and then I lay down in the grass myself. I tell ya, I never woke up with such a headache. Not only that, but I woke up to find out we had fallen asleep in a sheep pasture. I had sheep walkin and eatin the grass all around me. Crazy Chet, he was completely undisturbed. That is, until one-a them sheep sounded right into his ear. I don't even think he was really awake. He just reached up and punched that sheep right inna face. That ol' sheep learned one thing for sure: don't bleat around the lush."

This episode featured
Monroe Z. Chen as Uncle Sal
Octavio Hathaway as Giacomo
Ruby Slippers as Shauna
and
Jellybean Merengue as the pocket watch

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Anyone for tennis?"

[20 November 2007]