Uncle Sal sat down across from Alice and put on his pewter bowler hat on one of the empty chairs. "What did you think of the movie?" she asked.
"Not too much, I can tell ya that."
"Oh Sal! What was wrong with it? It's a very cute movie."
"That's the problem. It's cute. Ain't nothin' special story-wise neither. How many movies you think have been made about two men in love with the same woman? They're essentially always the same movie. In the end, she chooses neither one of them. Besides, I knew a woman in college in the same situation."
A waitress named Jodie came to their table and Uncle Sal ordered a slice of Key lime pie and a cup of decaf. Alice said it was too late for either and ordered a hot tea.
"She had these two guys after her: Ernie Bell and this guy we called Otter. Now, Ernie was just about the laziest guy you'd ever want to meet. Guy never did an hour of work when I knew him. If someone was movin' to a new apartment, he'd come up with just about any excuse he could dream of to get outta helpin' somebody move. He'd go to a job interview with a plan to avoid getting the job."
Jodie brought the tea for Alice and the coffee and Key lime pie for Uncle Sal. He put a piece of the pie into his mouth, then asked Alice if she wanted a bite. She shook her head. "So this guy Otter. I dunno what it was about him. All the girls thought he was cute. But this guy was always smokin' the marijuana. Every day, first thing in the morning he'd roll one up and smoke it. I don't think I ever saw him when his eyes wasn't all bloodshot." Uncle Sal sipped his coffee and said, "So then it happened just like the movie. The guys find out about each other and they both tell her, 'It's him or me.'"
"So, what happened?"
"What do you think happened? She chose neither one of them. Ain't much of a choice when you think about it: Bum Bell or High Otter."
This episode featured
Al Butts as Uncle Sal
Lulu Pierre as Alice
Jellybean Merengue as the Key lime pie
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "The stars above are about the only company I keep."
[6 May 2008]