Uncle Sal poured some of his pre-mixed martini from his thermos into a plastic cup and toasted all of his pinochle buddies. "Here's to another great Tobacco Bowl game and another great year."
Each member of the tailgate party raised his martini and applauded Uncle Sal's toast.
Uncle Sal took a hearty sip of his chilled martini and said, "Boy, that's good. Ain't nothin' beats a martini at nine AM before the Tobacco Bowl."
As Joe bent over the grill trying to start the fire, Uncle Sal's longtime friend Kim arrived. She said her hellos to everyone and then thrust a paper sack into Uncle Sal's hand.
"The heck is this? What did you bring us, doorstops?"
Kim punched his shoulder and said, "No, they're not doorstops, you doorknob. They're scones. I figured I'd bring a little breakfast. You know, something with a touch of nutritional value."
"Nonsense. This is our breakfast. Least until Joe gets the old grill working. Then we'll have something to sustain us." He took another look inside the bag and said, "I don't know. These look like they need some liquid for dunkin' and we don't have no coffee or milk."
"You could dunk it in your martini."
Uncle Sal looked at her. "I am not ruining a perfectly good martini by dunkin' some stale English pastry in it. And frankly, I think you'll have a hard time giving those things away to this buncha guys. Besides, how do we know these things are any good?"
"You know they're good because I say so."
Kim held up the bag and said, "So nobody wants one?"
None of the men rushed to take one off of her hands.
"You're a bunch of jerks, you know that? Someone does something nice for you...I'm sure that doesn't happen often, and this is the thanks she gets. What the hell am I going to do with all of these?" she asked, holding up the bag.
Uncle Sal looked around the group and said, "I think it's pretty simple. Let Kim, who is without gin, repast the first scone."
This episode featured:
Harrison Bacon as Uncle Sal
Wes T. Ward as Joe
Anita Mann as Kim
Jellybean Merengue as the thermos
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "What is that funky smell?"
[1 January 2008]