Uncle Sal arrived at the church and saw an Afro wig on the statue of Saint Aloysius. He chuckled to himself. Then he saw his sister in hysterics and stopped laughing.
"What on earth is the problem, Mary Evelyn?"
She pointed to the top of the church and said, "Look!"
Uncle Sal looked at the cream-colored liquid running down the belfry.
"Who would do such a thing to a church? To vandalize a house of God, well, it's more than a sin, it's a shame. Poor Father Hoffman. He went out to get the newspaper and he saw this." Mary Evelyn gave every detail of what had gone on that morning but Uncle Sal was only half-listening.
"Do you smell maple? Like syrup?"
"Syrup? Sal, this is no time to be thinking about your stomach."
"Do you have a way to get up there?"
"Um yes, of course."
Uncle Sal followed his sister into the church and she led him to the ladder that would take him up into the belfry. He handed her his chartreuse bowler hat and said, "I'll be right back." He climbed up the ladder and poked his head out of the top. He sniffed, then put his finger into the white liquid on the brown exterior of the church. After licking his finger clean, he climbed down the ladder and said, "You've got nothing to worry about. It will wash right out and won't even leave a stain. It's not paint, it's Cream of Wheat."
"Cream of Wheat?"
"Yes, whoever did this just added gruel to the spire."
This episode featured:
Delmer Delaney as Uncle Sal
Janet Belcher as Mary Evelyn
Jellybean Merengue as the Afro wig
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Let's feed Doritos to the bears."
[20 February 2008]