Uncle Sal looked at the plate of food placed in front of him: three strips of cornmeal mush, hash browns, and sausage. He placed the napkin over the pants of his marigold leisure suit. Then he doused the mush with syrup, cut off a piece and thrust it into his mouth.
"Do you mind if I try your mush?" Alice asked. "I've never tried it, and that looks pretty good."
Women, they have the chance to order anything, but they always want a taste of the man's meal. And of course it looks good. Why would I order something that doesn't look good?
As he chewed his mush, she reached across the table and cut off a piece for herself. She chewed it and said, "Oh wow! That's good! I never knew mush would be that tasty." She took a sip of her orange juice and said, "Do you mind if I take another piece?"
"Yes, I do mind," he said, putting another piece into his mouth. "This is my breakfast. You've got your own."
She frowned and looked at her pancakes. "But, it's just, these pancakes seem so mundane compared to your stuff. What do you say we trade? My pancakes and bacon for your mush and sausage."
"Whatta ya talking about? You want me to give up my favorite breakfast food, which you could have ordered, for the pancakes you called mundane? Ya know, if I wanted pancakes, I woulda ordered 'em."
Alice continued to plead her case. Uncle Sal merely shrugged and ate his breakfast before it got cold. Suddenly, a smile broke across Alice's lips. She took a pen from her purse and wrote SEX on her palm. She balled her hand into a fist so Uncle Sal couldn't see and said, "Tell you what. I'll give you my breakfast and some of what I've written on my palm if you give me your breakfast."
Uncle Sal cut a piece of his sausage and wondered why she didn't just order some mush of her own. How do I know she didn't write the word "nothin'" on her hand? He looked at his two remaining pieces of mush and said, "The word on your hand ain't worth two of my mush."
This episode featured:
Rusty Shields as Uncle Sal
Violet Staples as Alice
Jellybean Merengue as the syrup.
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Beer ain't drinkin'."
[8 January 2008]