Uncle Sal looked at the bill the waitress had just brought. He removed his wallet from the pants of his pea green leisure suit and put some money in the folder. Now that they had finished eating, Mary Evelyn felt free to ask him, as she always did, if he had been going to church. That was part of the reason he didn't see her more often. He hated having to tell his sister, who had been in a convent since she was eighteen, that he didn't feel compelled to go to church anymore. But he had learned that if he changed the subject, he wouldn't have to.
"How have you been, Mary Evelyn?" he asked, removing a toothpick from behind his ear.
"Oh, not so good. We're having a bit of a problem with one of the younger sisters."
"What kind of a problem?"
"Well, let's just say that sometimes we hear some inappropriate noises coming from her room at night."
"Ummmm, groaning. That sort of thing."
"How do you know she's not having really bad gas? I mean, sometimes you get that feeling in your stomach, and..."
"Sal, I may live in a convent, but I'm not that naive."
"It could be a bad headache, or appendix pain."
"Sal, I'm telling you, the sounds we hear are not the result of appendix pain. We have tried speaking with her. We have tried giving her more manual work to do around the convent, so she'll be too tired to do...whatever it is she's doing. We don't want to lose her because she's really a good sister. She's so helpful and smart as a whip. What do you think we can do about this?"
"I don't really think there's anything you can do about it. You don't have any proof that she's doin' sump'n wrong. And besides, what do you expect? People have certain urges. Them urges are probably even stronger if you ain't supposed to act on them. If she's as good a sister as you say, I say leave her be. It just sounds to me like another nun fights the lust."
This episode featured:
Osvaldo Hughes as Uncle Sal
Rosie Cheeks as Sister Mary Evelyn
Jellybean Merengue as the toothpick
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "Missed it by that much."
[6 November 2007]