Uncle Sal's Close Call (Episode 3)

“You’re late, Sal.”

Uncle Sal brushed some water droplets from his pumpkin-colored robe, hung his hat on the hat rack by the door, and said, “Yeah, Joe. I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”

“Every Thursdy for ten years, we been starting this pinochle game at 7:30. And here you stroll in at 7:45 like some big shot. Like you’re too big to be here on time like the rest of us. What gives?”

“What gives? I’ll tell ya what gives. This drizzle started right when I left the house and you know what that means. Buncha morons out there don’t know howta drive when the road gets a little wet.”

Uncle Sal sat in his customary spot and cracked open his first Spud’s of the evening. “So, I’m there, just stuck on the freeway. Nearly thirty minutes, we sat there. I musta moved about a mile, maybe a mile and a half in thirty minutes. Well, all of a sudden, folks get some kinda epiphany that they actually do know howta drive. I started moving along and then this truck gets right in fronta me. One-a them big produce-haulin’ trucks.”

After a sip of his beer, he continued. “I wanted to go around this truck but there was too many cars goin’ by. Wouldn’tcha know it, soon as I see a little opening, the back door, had Her-manos Sanchez, Seville written on it, just pops open. Next thing I know, I see one, then two twenny-five pound burlap sacks with the word cebada on ‘em fallin’ right in fronta my car. Well, I slammed on the brakes and yanked that wheel hard to the right. That ol’ Dodge Dart went two full times around across two lanes and stopped when my right rear bumper tapped the guardrail. Felt like I was on one-a them rollycoaster rides. I opened my eyes, made sure I was still alive. Sure enough, I was. And that’s when I saw the bags and the barley scattered all over the freeway, and not a scratch on me.”

As Uncle Sal took another sip of his beer, Joe asked, “Why’d you do a fool thing like yankin’ your wheel when the road is wet?”

“What was I supposed to do? The grain from Spain fell mainly in my lane.”

This episode featured:
Gerhard Schnitzengruben as Uncle Sal
Al Kehaulic as Joe
and
Jellybean Merengue as the hatrack

Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, “See ya later, carburetor.”

*A special thank you to loyal reader JL for suggesting traffic as the subject for this version of The Uncle Sal Chronicles. Got an idea for Uncle Sal? Send it along.*

[21 August 2007]