Uncle Sal took his seat between Giacomo and Alice at the old Civic Arena for the evening's boxing match between Frankie "Thunder" Bolton and Tony Toluca. He placed his saffron stovepipe hat on his lap and opened his program. "Boy, I tell ya, Giacomo. This is gonna be one great bout. I'm glad you were able to get some tickets to this."
Alice held out her bag of popcorn and Uncle Sal took a handful. With a mouthful of popcorn, he said, "I ever tell ya about the craziest fight I ever saw?"
"You mean the one where your friend fought an orangutan in a bar?"
"No, not that one. I mean the craziest fight I ever saw between two humans. There was this guy PT Unterberg. He told everyone that the PT stood for Paul Thompson, after his granddad. Well, that didn't matter to us. As far as we knew, PT stood for Pretty Tall. he was prolly six-foot-ten and about three hunnerd and fifteen pounds. Ain't nobody wanted to mess with ol' PT, I can tell ya that. 'Cept for this one fella, and he was probably the least likely person you could imagine would want to mess with PT. This fella stood about five-foot-nothin'." Uncle Sal sipped his beer from the plastic cup. "Well at this bar, PT sees this fella and starts throwing peanuts at him. The little fella gets up, goes across the room, and he's got busted peanut shells in his hair. PT even landed one in the guy's shirt pocket. Well now, this fella stands in front of PT and says, 'You've been throwing peanuts at me, and let me tell you I ain't happy.'"
Uncle Sal took another handful of popcorn and washed it down with another swallow of beer. "I tell ya, I still don't believe what happened next. PT leaned way down, patted the little fella on the head and said, 'Which one are ya then?' Little fella gets so upset, he just bites PT's forearm. I don't hafta tell ya PT wasn't gonna stand for that. He just made a fist and conked that little fella on top of the ol' coconut and that guy just fell straight back onto the floor, out cold. That little guy, he only proved what the rest of us already knew: You can't bite Pretty Tall."
This episode featured:
Neil B. Formy as Uncle Sal
Grover Beard as Giacomo
Mollie Gee as Alice
Jellybean Merengue as the bag of popcorn.
Tune in next week when Uncle Sal says, "I used to be with it, but now what I'm with isn't it."
[21 June 2008]