Uncle Sal and Speed Dating (Episode 5)

Uncle Sal took his jacket from the back of his chair and put it on as the crowd dispersed. He walked to the car with his friend Tony. "Damn birds!" Uncle Sal said, noticing a new stain on his windshield. "That's what I get for parking under a street lamp."

As Sal removed his sunglasses from the pocket of his mustard-colored robe, Tony asked, "What did you think of speed dating?"

"I dunno. It's hard to say for sure whether you like someone when you only spend five minutes or less with them. And if you do find someone you like, your time's up just about the time you realize she's interesting."

"Yeah, but there were some nice women there. Don't you think? That woman in the floral sundress was real nice."

"Sure, there were some nice women there. At least they were nice for five minutes. Anyone can be nice for five minutes."

"Are you going to call any of them?"

"No, I'm not going to call any of them. None of them was really my type."

"What are you talking about? There was just about every type of woman in there. How could you not find one that's your type?"

"You wanna know how? Because all the women in there was nothin but skin and bones. Dunno when it became necessary for women to be so skinny, but they're all that way. All them women look like they eat nothin' but grapes. They could wear a handkerchief as a dress. I think that's plain silly. I want me a woman that ain't afraid to eat a big bowl of pasta, or a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich."

"So, if you date a skinny woman, you'll save money when you go out to eat. I just can't see what's wrong with a woman who's thin and fit. Lots of beautiful women are thin."

"Yeah, yeah. Some-a them skinny women are beautiful, but I do not like lean Pegs and Pams."

This episode featured:
Marcelo Lowe as Uncle Sal
Cat Fishman as Tony
and
Jellybean Merengue as the street lamp

Tune in next week when Uncle Says, "I gave her my heart and a diamond, and she clubbed me with a spade."

[4 September 2007]